1. day one without you and i regret everything.
2. day one without you and i can't help but start counting how many days it's been since i really had you. day one without you, day fifty without you, day four hundred without you; what's the difference when every day without you feels the same.
3. i've gotten so used to you being gone. i've gotten so used to kissing my own bruises and forcing my love for you to mend the cracks. that doesn't make it hurt any less. that doesn't mean i wouldn't do anything to have you back.
4. everything is dark and i can't stop crying. i'm living in tunnel vision. i'm living in my own head so black and blue. my heart is black and my brain is too. i'm scraping off the burnt remains with a spatula.
5. i can't eat tonight. i can't sleep. i can't focus. i made a therapist appointment today, but they're booked until next month. i don't know if i can make it that long. i don't know if i want to.
6. my friends keep asking me if i'm okay and it used to bring me comfort, but this week i've already said no five different times and every time it brought me a little more pain.
7. you've always had me. you've always had all of me and nothing less. i hope that brings you some sort of comfort because all it brings me is this hole in my chest.
8. please move on. i don't want this to be all for nothing.
