thoughts before falling asleep:
1. on nights when insomnia was sleeping beside me, you sounded a lot like wind chime lullabies sent by whispers of the moon saying rest now, darling. turns out, demons have orchestras as good as angels.
2. if breathing was a heart attack then my drum set chest blared only to the sound of our kisses mumbled into a fogged window my eyelids wished to wipe clean. i let it evaporate on its own.
3. thunderstorms came from the agony of missing you. bombs rattled my voice as it quivered from getting struck by the kind of lonely you rained on my sky.
4. patted my heart a few times to remind me it's not broken; bleeding out of my veins to reconcile with the bandages i stubbornly took off to check if my scars were healing. cut too deep, might need some sewing. don't use anaesthesia, inject the pain.
5. your chest was my favourite pillow; it had an oceanic rhythm of ups and downs, of gentle waves from your chin resting on my head, of faint gasps of content, of my hand a steady anchor around your waist. i held on to the nights you don't remember.
6. when i close my eyes i cover them with the kaleidoscope spectrum of light from all the dreams i collected to piece back the fragments of me i lost so you can write your story.
7. sleeping didn't hurt me, the nightmares you gave me did.
