you left before the hickey even had a chance to fade. you left soon after we had sex, and i wonder, was it just fucking to you or were we actually making love?
you said you loved me, but you never fought to keep me. did you not mean it when you said it or am i just not worth the trouble?
you are careless with promises, aren't you, babe? you said you'd never hurt me again. well fuck, here i am hurting. here i am punishing myself for losing you. i should have known i lost you a long time ago. no matter how many times you came back, you just were not quite here.
i enjoyed making love, but now i'll go fuck to the same songs we did. i'll just drink whiskey until i'm on the floor crying to people i only met two days ago and i'll fuck the boy who knew i was quite vulnerable. i'll fuck and i'll cry and i'll be anything but sober.
people say you aren't worth the tears but i can't keep them from coming.
i heard several apologies spill from your mouth, but i think you just wanted forgiveness. were you even sorry a little bit?
i'll love you today, and i'll love you tomorrow, and i'll love you ten years from now. you'll be that story that i give my kids when it comes to heart break. i'll tell them that it hurt like hell and how you were supposed to be the one. i'll tell them that there's boys who will pry you open and spill acid into your heart. they'll watch as you rot and they'll only say sorry when they need something. that they'll come in and out of your life as they please unless you put a stop to it. i'll tell them that they need to be stronger than i was, that it'll hurt to leave, but it'll hurt worse to give them as many chances as they want.
you were the wrong choice. maybe if i wouldn't have let you back in, i wouldn't be here again bawling my eyes out and trying not to throw myself into a grave.
you knew i wasn't stable, but you were completely willing to mess with my wild head.
something draws me to the boys who only know love through hurt. the ones who will bruise you with words and use you like an object. well i didn't need you to do that, i'll bruise myself with words and do my own hurting. i didn't need you to come in and hurt me like you did. fuck.
you'll try to come back, won't you? say you made a mistake, say you were a fool, and i'll try to lock you out, but you will get in anyways because we both know, i can never say no to you.
i hope one day, you see me happy with someone else, you'll stop in the middle of conversation, and you'll feel your heart break into a million pieces.
i hope a day doesn't go by that you don't miss me, because i know that it won't even last a second without me missing you.
i'd end this with saying goodbye, but i know that it would be pointless. i can't say goodbye when my heart is always open for you. goodbye for now, i guess, and hello whenever you decide you want me back.
i'm so vulnerable, stop using that against me.
[ song ; i fall apart - post malone ]
