WILD HEART (ENGLISH)

Is this still love?

Flashback

After the conversation with Brad, I went home and found my bed empty, which was very strange since Blake would sleep there that night and we had confirmed this before he left the party. I picked up my cell phone and called him.

— Blake? I thought you would be here when I come back home. — I said with some disappointment in my voice.

— Are you home already? I thought it would take longer. Or even sleep there... — He remarked.

— I told you it would not be long and I would come home to stay with you...

— Anyway, we're already in different houses now.

— Do not you want to come here? I can go there too, no problem. — I smiled as I spoke to him. I was tired, but not tired enough to stop me from going to him.

— No, don't worry. We'll talk tomorrow, it's late. Good night.

— Good night... — I sighed low as I listened to him.. — I love you.

— Love you too. — Soon after he hung up and I sighed again.

It was very strange not having him around. But I imagine he's tired, so it's all good, I have nothing to worry about, right?

After taking off my makeup and putting on my pajamas, I lay on my bed alone, looking at the empty space next to me that made the bed cold. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, anxious to see him again tomorrow. But that did not happen.

End of flashback

— How are things with Blake? — Brenda asked me before she had a drink of her coffee.

— To be honest, I don't know. He's been acting kind of weird since I made up with Brad. — I scratched my head as I grimaced.

— Have you spent too much time with Brad? — She raised an eyebrow at me and I rolled my eyes.

— No! We made up, but things do not go back 100% to normal overnight. I do not see him. And when I see it is always with the other boys together. Still, Blake is weird with me, it seems he's avoiding me, I do not know. — I sighed low, this unstable situation with Blake had been bothering me for some time and whenever the question about him just says he's busy or tired.

She took a deep breath and shook her head.

— He must be insecure at the thought of you and Brad being friends again, but that does not give him the right to do so to you. If he keeps pushing you away, worse will stay.

— I imagine his insecurity because of all the history of it, but if he's with me, he needs to trust me.

— Yes, I agree with you. I think you need to put him against the wall. — I frowned. — Not in the literal sense. — She rolled her eyes. — Maybe later. — She smiled mischievously, chuckling. — You need to tell him all this and how you feel when he pushes you away.

— You're right. He said he was coming to my house today. That's if it does not cancel like the last few times, of course. But if he really goes I will do it.

We continued our coffee and banal conversations until late afternoon, so I went home to wait for my boyfriend to show up. And this time he really did.

— Hey baby! — I smiled as I saw him and kissed his lips quickly. I had not seen him for some time and I really missed him.

— Hey... — He said and smiled weakly at me, making me frown. Without even asking, he replied. — I'm just tired.

— Are you sure? — He nodded and walked toward the sofa. — So you've been pretty tired lately, don't you? — I commented and walked towards him, sitting on his lap as I wrapped my arms around his neck. — You know you can talk about anything to me, do not you? I'm your girlfriend, after all.

— Are you sure that you are?

— What kind of question is that? — I frowned as I stared at him. — Well, as far as I can remember, you asked me if I wanted to be your girlfriend in front of many fans and I accepted, since then we've officially been together. Am I wrong? — He looked away at the glass on my balcony. — Blake... What's wrong? We were so happy and...

— Yes, we were. — He emphasized.

— What happened? — He kept silent and shook his head. — When did we get lost?

— I think we've been lost from the beginning and we do not realize it. — He stared at me and I stared at those sweet brown eyes that did not look so sweet at the moment, trying to unravel something in them, but I could not, they seemed too firm.

— What are you talking about? — I was confused. We were doing well, even with all this confusion. I thought we were happy together. I was happy. — You took my heart and gave it a home. A home we're still building. Together.

— Is it still love that's keeping us together? — He sighed low as he looked at me. — Is this still us when you think of forever?

— Blake...

— Because if it's not love then I gotta know what it is.

— Blake, I love you. None of the times I said it was a lie because I would never say something so strong in vain.

— But there's Brad. — He said and I sighed quietly, running my hand over my face.

— We go back to being friends and things will continue like this. What's your point? Why bring him to a conversation about us?

— Because there's a part of you that will always want him. — He looked at me. — I'm not saying you do not love me, but he's still in the middle of it.

— It's not an easy situation, I know, but my choice was to give you 100% of me and be happy with you. I did not change that at any time. — I sighed low as I looked into his eyes, slid my fingers gently over the soft strands of his hair and he closed his eyes as if struggling against something. — You know my heart and my soul. You help me believe and give me hope that love is always the right way. — He opened his eyes and looked away. — Are you feeling the same way that I do?

— I don't know.

— What you don't know?

— If you and I can learn to love again. — He said firmly and looked back at me, making me swallow dry, feeling a block of ice settle in my spine.

— What does that mean? — I asked in a trembling voice, afraid of what was coming next.

— I think I rushed asking you to be my girlfriend and...

— No... Don't say that. — My heart was pounding and my breathing accelerated, I knew what was coming, but I did not want to.

— And I think we have to stop here. — This was the second time in a few months that I felt the floor crumbling beneath my feet. It seems like it's too hard to keep my life stable any longer. Maybe I'm cursed. Or I'm just paying the price of living a love triangle. Again, I think I need to get used to the other side of the bed getting cold, just like London right now.