The Secret Life of Lizzy Walten

Twenty-two

Lizzys POV

I woke up and realized that yesterday was real life. Yesterday was really Christmas and we also "really" went to the Griers. I only have a few more days of Christmas Vacation and then I go back to school. That means I have to suffer all my classes, my bullies, and other horrible stuff a teen goes through.

I went downstairs without getting ready and saw a note on the table. Be back in a while, the note said, it was my mom. She works everyday so "in a while" means 9:30pm.

I can't eat today. Not after that Giant feast I had last night. If I eat like that again, the guys will bash me and say how fat I am.

Well after a little while, I went on my phone. I had some Twitter notifications and saw that Taylor (ugh) Tweeted something about me.

Taylor: too bad I didn't get my Christmas wish, Lizzy Walten's getting hit by a train and dying. Poor bitch wouldn't even see it coming.

I felt really angry when I saw this. I felt like maybe I needed to...cut. It's been a few days, weeks even since I cut last since there's been no drama with the guys. But what really got to me were the replies to his tweets. Cameron, Matt, and even...Nash had something to say about this.

Nash: haha lol that'd be great

Cam: ill be driving the train

Matt: was it a coincidence that I had that same wish? Or naw

I tried to brush it off but I couldn't. Nash? I thought he maybe...liked me. Wait Liz. Shut the hell up. That's such a stupid idea. Why would he EVER like you.

I commented:

Don't worry, your wish will come true one day. I promise. I just need some time to think. Then I'll be ready. I promise.

I put down my phone and lay on the couch and watched American Horror Story for a bit. I did NOT want to go anywhere today. I feel so worthless and lazy. Lazy enough to not want to find my blade. Eventually the urge stopped. Yet the thought of wanting to hurt myself stayed in my mind. It never went away.

I went back on Twitter and saw the comments getting worse.

I didn't want to read them but I just had to. It's like knowing where your Christmas gifts are hidden. You HAVE to see them, but before I got a couple flash backs. I remembered when Nash put his hands around my neck and I couldn't breathe, I remember when Cameron yanked my hair back, and when Taylor kicked me on the ground until his leg got tired. Everything came back to me.

There were more comments from some girls from school who I don't even know. I still don't have ANY friends. So nobody could back me up.

So of course the Newspaper editor, Stacy had to say something as well.

Stacy: I almost thought we broke her. I'm not sure why she keeps trying. We all want her gone. So who cares anyway. Do Ya hear this lil girl? wanna make a come back.

I didn't know what to say. I thought of something simple and easy.

Me: Living, quietly bleeding

Living, quietly bleeding is from one of my all time favorite movies. The Suicide Room. It's such a strong movie.

Well anyway... things got worse but I couldn't ignore. That's when a tear fell from my eyes. It slowly ran down my cheek, but as it ran down, I remembered I could have it worse... my mom could be a druggy or an alcoholic...or I could've not have a brother like Danny...

I keep telling myself things will get better and that there's hope still left for me but the truth is...i can't hang on any longer. It's gone on for so long that I can't keep waiting.

_________

After I cried for a bit I went outside to go the mail. My mom would appreciate that.

I still had sweatpants on and a hoodie so then I just threw on my uggs and went outside.

The tears were still coming down my cheek but as the cold hit my face, the tears starting freezing causing my cheek to sting.

Just then I saw Cameron walking by. I knew he could see me crying so I grabbed my mail and speed walked up my driveway again.

"Why are you crying" he said.

Dang it. I was half way up my driveway and I thought I could get away.

"Well if everyone wants you to die Don't you think you'd cry too?"

He just stood there and had this guilty look on his face so I turned around and went inside. I locked my doors and put on the TV again and wrapped myself in a warm blanket by the fire. I guess I fell asleep because I woke up the next morning.

SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED. so last week I had a soccer tournament so I had no time to edit. Then this weekend I had to go up to Erie for soccer so gahhhh

IG: @pennysouls