My Golden Life

Chapter 20

I swirled the glass of lemonade in my hand before taking another slurp, my head resting against the palm of my hand. Somehow, we had ended up in the Poison Apple, a dingy and seedy tavern just outside the kingdom. It was the place where every known villain you could think of would hang out and drown their sorrows in cheap alcoholic beverages. Shrek, Puss, Donkey, and I were sat at the bar with frowns and sulks on our faces. 

From what Shrek explained to us, Prince Charming and the Fairy Godmother had got wind about his new appearance, and Charming was now posing as him. What saddened me more was that Fiona genuinely believed it. However, what I couldn't get my head around was why Shrek didn't storm into the castle, go to Fiona and expose Charming as not only an imposter but a liar as well.

"It was all just a stupid mistake," Shrek groaned. "I never should have rescued her from that tower in the first place."

"I hate Mondays," Puss mumbled, sipping his drink.

"I can't believe you'd walk away from the best thing that happened to you." Donkey exclaimed.

"What choice do I have?" Shrek sighed. "She loves that pretty boy, Prince Charming."

"Come on. Is he really that good-looking?" Donkey asked.

"Are you kidding? He's gorgeous!" The woman at the bar gushed, carrying a tray of drinks towards another table. She certainly looked well, strange. Unlike any woman I've ever met, I'll tell you that. "He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels."

"Oh. He sounds dreamy." Puss said.

"You know...shockingly, this isn't making me feel any better," Shrek interrupted.

"I just don't get!" I voiced out to him. "Why are you letting this happen? You're just going to let Prince Charming deceive Fiona like this?"

"Look, guys. It's for the best." Shrek said. "Mom and Dad approve, and Fiona gets the man she's always dreamed of. Everybody wins."

"Except for you." Donkey said. "I don't get it, Shrek. You love Fiona."

"Aye," he sighed. "And that's why I have to let her go."

As we were talking, I recognised a voice coming from behind us, and so did Shrek. He looked over his shoulder and noticed someone in a hooded cloak talking to the barwomen. The voice sounded a lot like the King, and to my surprise, it was.

"Excuse me, is she here?" King Harold whispered.

"She's, uh... in the back," she replied.

I smelt something fishy going on. Why would the King of Far Far Away be in a shady place like this? I had a strange feeling that the King was up to something dodgy, and I could sense that Shrek thought the same thing. He beckoned us outside, and we all quietly snuck around the back and peeped through one of the windows. What I saw confused and startled me; the king was talking to not only Fairy Godmother but Prince Charming as well. It was all her idea, she was getting Charming to pose as Shrek so that he could marry Fiona and King Harold was playing a part in it.

However, he didn't seem too sure about the idea, but Fairy Godmother reassured him that it would all go to plan. She then gave him a potion that would make Fiona fall in love with the first person she kissed. I couldn't believe the lengths this woman would go to just so that Fiona would be with Charming. The king did try and back away from it, but she threatened him and expressed that she would take away his happily ever after, whatever that meant. So he obliged to go with her plan. I guess the king has a sweet side to him, after all.

"Good boy." She smiled. "Now, we have to go. I need to do Charming's hair before the ball. He's hopeless. He's all high in the front. He can never get to the back. You need someone to do the back."

"Oh. Thank you, Mother." Charming laughed.

"Mother?!" Donkey shouted, causing everyone inside to turn to the window. Our cover was well and truly blown.

"Um... Mary! A talking horse!" Shrek laughed nervously.

"The ogre!" Fairy Godmother screamed.

"We got to go, guys, like now!" I yelled, backing away from the window.

Shrek, Puss, and I clambered onto Donkey, and he immediately galloped with speed down the road. As he ran, I heard the sound of Fairy Godmother yelling out that we were thieves and bandits. Great, just great. I was being painted as a thief once again, and for once, I hadn't actually done anything. Donkey kept riding as fast as he could, and I gazed up and spotted several police hot air balloons hoving above us. Then I saw at least four police carriages hastily following our tail, that's when I knew we were in serious trouble.

We rode through the streets with now at least six police carriages gaining on us, I thought that we would get away from them, but boy was I wrong. They got us, but we put up a good fight as they dragged us into one of the carriages. Not going to lie, I did kick and scream my hardest, but little did that do. To make things even more humiliating, it was all captured on camera and was being broadcast on TV. Well, with my brown hair, hopefully, no one recognised me, so that was one positive. But let's focus on the main issue... we got arrested and thrown in jail! And we needed to get to Fiona and fast before it was too late.