My Golden Life

Chapter 17

After getting as far as possible from the cottage, we ended up walking through a clearing, trying to navigate ourselves back to the castle. Puss was attempting to catch some butterflies while Donkey, Shrek, and I were walking not too far behind. Shrek was glued to the glowing blue potion and looked intrigued by what the label read.

"'Happily Ever After Potion." He readout. "Maximum strength. For you and your true love. If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine. Happiness, comfort, and beauty divine."

"You both will be fine?" I asked.

"l guess it means it'll affect Fiona too," Shrek explained, popping the cork off. Small blue sparks then flew out from the bottle.

"Hey, man, this don't feel right." Donkey said. "My donkey senses are tingling all over. So why don't you just drop that jug o' voodoo, and let's get out of here."

"lt says, ' Beauty Divine.' How bad can it be?" Shrek added, taking a sniff of it.

"Erm, should you be doing that?" I asked. Before he could answer, he let out a loud sneeze and blue snot shot onto a nearby mushroom.

"See, you're allergic to that stuff." Donkey said in a firm tone. "You'll have a reaction. And if you think that I'll be smearing Vapor Rub over your chest, think again!"

"Boss," Puss said. "Just in case there is something wrong with the potion... allow me to take the first sip. lt would be an honour to lay my life on the line for you."

Donkey glared at him as he shook his head by the suggestion. "Oh, no, no. I don't think so. lf there'll be any animal testing, I'll do it. That's the best friend's job. Now give me that bottle."

He grabbed the bottle from Shrek's hand using his mouth and took a few swigs of the potion. Shrek quickly took the bottle back from him, and we all looked at Donkey to see if anything had occurred.

"How do you feel?" Shrek asked.

"l don't feel any different. l look any different?"

"You still look like an ass to me," Puss replied, making me chuckle a little.

Shrek examined the bottle yet again. "Maybe it doesn't work on donkeys-"

"Let me try," I interpreted. "It may work better on a human."

"Are you sure? He asked.

"Yes, now let me try the stupid thing!" Shrek sighed before handed the bottle to me, I took a deep breath before taking a couple of sips. I then gave it back to him.

"Anything?" Shrek asked.

I stayed quiet for a few seconds to check to see if I could feel any changes, but I just shook my head. "Nope, nothing. Don't feel a thing."

"I guess I should give it a try then." Shrek let out a big sigh before looking at the potion. "Well, here's to us, Fiona."

Before he brought the bottle to his lips, Donkey quickly stopped him.

"Shrek, you drink that, there's no going back."

"l know," Shrek replied.

"No more wallowing in the mud?"

"l know."

"No more itchy butt crack?"

" l know!"

"But, you love being an ogre!" Donkey argued.

"l know!" Shrek yelled. "But l love Fiona more."

He then downed the entire contents before Puss, Donkey, or I could stop him. We then heard a loud rumbling sound coming from Shrek's stomach. Feeling like something was about to happen, we all hid behind a rock. We braced ourselves for something extravagant to occur, but instead, all that happened was Shrek letting out a minuscule fart.

"Well, that was... dramatic," I said, holding my nose.

"Got to be... l think you grabbed the ''Farty Ever After'' potion." Donkey added.

" Maybe it's a dud," Puss suggested.

"Or maybe Fiona and l were never meant to be," Shrek mumbled, his face frowning. I felt sorry for him. This was supposed to help him make Fiona happy, but it did absolutely nothing.

That was then we heard yet another rumbling sound, but this time it wasn't coming from Shrek, but from above us. I looked up to see the sky slowly turning a dark grey colour, it then got quite dark quickly. In a matter of seconds, it started to bucket down with rain. Donkey felt that this was a result of the potion and he began to freak out.

"l don't want to die. I don't want to die! " He panicked. "Oh, sweet sister, mother of mercy. I'm melting! I'm melting!"

"It's just the rain, Donkey," Shrek told him before he continued walking down the path.

We carried on walking through the heavy rain, searching for somewhere to take shelter. Thankfully after five minutes, we found an abandoned barn, and we all quickly headed inside. My hair was soaking wet, as well as my clothes. All I wanted was to go back to the castle and get myself warm and dry.

"Don't worry," Donkey said, walking over to Shrek, who was looking outside. "Things seem bad because it's dark and rainy, and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you."

Puss didn't take that comment well cause he just hissed back at him.

"It'll be better in the morning." Donkey added.

To lighten the mood, he then felt like it was the right time to start singing, which wasn't that helpful, to be honest. "You'll see... The sun'll come out... Tomorrow... Bet your bottom..."

"Bet my bottom?" Shrek questioned. I knew the words to that song, and that wasn't the right line.

"I'm coming, Elizabeth!" He yelled, before collapsing onto the floor.

"Donkey!" I gasped, kneeling to him. I shook his body to try and wake him up, but he just wouldn't respond.

"Donkey? A-are you all right?" Shrek asked, but he sounded off. He was now slurring his words quite a bit.

"Hey, boss. Let's shave him. Puss smirked.

"D-Donkey?" Shrek called out. He, too then collapsed onto the floor.

"Shrek!" I yelled. I crawled over him and began to shake him as well.

That's when I began to feel light-headed. My body felt extremely heavy like something was pulling me towards the ground. My vision was becoming blurry, and everything was slightly spinning.

"P-puss?" I groaned, placing my hand onto one side of my head. "I-I don't feel too good." I then slowly fell onto my side. And to be quite honest, that's the last thing I remember.