joji miller imagines

i love you - billie

your pov

you had broken up three weeks ago.

and everything fucking hurt.

you had been staying with a friend while you were trying to get back on your feet and find a place, but that was easier said than done in brooklyn.

you broke up because you fell in love. which sounds so fucking stupid.

it was because joji didn't like the feeling of love. he didn't like the commitment, it scared him.

you had been pacing the neighbourhood in the snow for the past three hours, you had to go into the apartment to get your stuff, but you couldn't. it hurt too much.

you met through a mutual friend; brian. and very quickly after that became fuck buddies.

it was what joji convinced you was the best for both of you. just fucking whenever, then you would share a blunt wrapped up in the comforter on the balcony.

then you would go home.

then you fell in love with him.

you fell hard, and very fast. but you weren't entirely to blame! you truly thought maybe you and joji could have a relationship.

nothing helped with the pain, drinking just made you cry and drugs didn't even get you high.

everything was numb. you are numb.

he did take you out on "dates", get you back stage passes at his shows, and have wonderful, mindblowing sex.

but three weeks ago, he kicked you out, and you both suffered an unofficial 'breakup'.

it feels like it happened yesterday, because you keep reliving it by playing the scene in your head over and over again.

you were sitting on his balcony, new york twinkling below you. joji took a puff from the joint, exhaling smoke steadily.

you were both only in you underwear, wrapped up in his white fluffy comforter, your sides were pressed together, his arm around

it's not true
tell me i've been lied to
crying isn't like you, ooh

he leaned forward, kissing you softly, his lips tasted like weed and his breath lingered of it.
and before you could stop yourself, or even realize what you were doing. you said it.

"i love you."

and it hit you immediately after you said it.

what the hell did i do?
never been the type too
let someone see straight through, ooh

and his eyes widened, and he whipped the comforter off. "take. it. back." he stuttered, tears welling up in his eyes.

baby won't you take it back
say you were tryna make me laugh

"no, joj, i-" you stuttered, placing your hand on his shoulder, but he shook it off. "take. it. back" he repeated, a tear rolling down his cheek now.

and nothing has to change today
you didn't mean to say 'i love you'

and he looked broken, your heart had stopped beating. but you meant it and you knew he felt the same way.

i love you and i don't want too, ooh

he stood up, "you need to leave. now." he stuttered, choking on his own tears as he leapt into his bedroom and starting throwing your clothes at you.