TANTRIC (Book 3 of the Soundcrush Series)

Chapter 14: Front Men Try Honesty

The song A Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz was the inspiration for this chapter.  The way he describes the woman and his feelings  is very much the way Leed sees Ashlynn right now, I think. 

Leed

I feel like a complete chump. I drove the speed limit all the way from Tam's house. I must have looked in the rearview mirror a thousand times, even though I could clearly see Ollie sleeping in the mirror that's mounted above his carseat.

I've never taken him anywhere alone. Tam always sits back there with him.

Now I'm here at my house. The nursery is ready, and Sawyer spent all day yesterday at the baby store, purchasing all the same shit that is in Ollie's nursery at Tam and Ben's...right down to the same diaper cream. We've got strollers and bouncy seats and toy bars and and three cases of diapers. Plus a million onesies, but those are mostly things that Mac ordered and sent. All organic cotton or hemp, and she had them hand-screened with custom phrases like "Rock Star In Training", "If my head wobbles, I'm just working on my chin tip," ones with a pictures of Simba, and my personal favorite, "Cute as Fluke."

Ollie is still sleeping, sitting on the kitchen table in his car seat. Sawyer is transferring the little bags of frozen milk into the freezer. He gives me an evil grin and waggles it. "Tell the truth. Did you taste it?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I sneer.

"That's a yes," he scoffs as he puts several in the fridge to unfreeze.

"You're a pervert," Ash says breezily as she glides into the kitchen like Grace personified. She's wearing skin tight, rolled-up jean leggings, Converse, a baseball T-shirt with the Hamsa hand on it and her hair in a ponytail. She looks gorgeous. How she can dress down and still seem so fucking classy I don't even know, but she looks as sweet as the day I met her and five times as happy.

Seeing her sail towards me, the overwhelm hits me again. I feel sixteen, not twenty-six. Nervous as fuck and over the moon at the same time just because she's here, in my space, for me. Then I look down at Ollie, and the nervous feeling eating my gut spews up my chest into full-blown anxiety.

Not just for me. For my son. With Ashlynn, with Ollie, this is not some teenage romance I never had. This feels...real. It scares the hell out of me, because I can't afford to mess up.

Before I even realize what I'm doing, I pull her to me. "Hey Beautiful. I didn't realize you were here yet." I catch the side of her mouth, give her a little peck.

Shit. I just kissed her, like I've done it a thousand times. Like she's my girlfriend or something. I ease back slowly, like I just stepped on a landmine. Now she's staring at me with blank eyes—a feedback of the same kind of anxiety I'm feeling.

Well, if we are in the shit, at least we are in it together. I take a deep breath, and pull her ponytail. "You ready to play house with me today?" I tease.

That breaks the current of fear passing between us. She blinks,gives me a small tucked-back smile and turns toward Ollie. "I'm ready to get my hands on that baby. He's gotten so big." she murmurs softly.

"He'll probably sleep another hour or so," I warn her. "Why don't we bring him outside and enjoy the warm winter day? I don't know about you, but I could use a little vitamin D."

It's late morning and really warm for February, but Ashlynn insists on tucking a fluffy blanket all around him in his carseat, and gently easing a little cap on his head. "Oh god, I love baby heads," she whispers as she leaves her hand between the seat and the back of his skull. "Like holding all of heaven, right here in my hand."