TANTRIC (Book 3 of the Soundcrush Series)

Chapter 58: Hippie Chics Cowgirl Up

Okay, this is a huge chapter for Ashlynn...one in which she faces real tangible fears. She's struggled so much over the course of this series and in this chapter she's gearing up for her biggest fight yet!

Ashlynn

I'm staring at myself in the mirror of the airport bathroom, dashing away tears and willing myself to cowgirl up.

I can fix this. I am smart. I am strong. Most of all, I love Leed with all my heart. I know he loves me. He's angry and hurt and scared for me, but the love is still there. We are too interwoven to be severed by a few hours of angry words and ultimatums. When the storm is over, we will be able to repair what was torn between us today. I have to believe that.

The only obstacle is the Von brothers and maybe, for the first time ever, I finally have leverage over both of them.

I wipe away runny eye makeup and tell myself I know I can do this, because the hardest part is over. Nothing can be as hard as shutting Leed out, lying to him over and over, walking away from him, letting him think I'm leaving him.

Yes, the hardest part is over and now it's time to work this problem.

I pull the now-crumpled flyer of Megan Davis from my bag and stare at the girl who looks so eerily like me. We both look very much like Magda von Schlater...the mentally ill mother whom Viggo remembers, but Varrick does not.

I knew from the minute I heard the story of Megan Davis, that I have to find out what I can about her. My own mother could have so easily been in Laurie Davis' shoes. I was meant to help Laurie Davis.

But Leed cannot be involved in this, because if I mess this up—if my I play my cards wrong, if I can't prove what I suspect, or I'm wrong about Varrick, it will cost Leed everything.

My bag does hold two plane tickets I bought—the one back to Costa Rica that leaves at midnight, and the one to Atlanta that leaves tomorrow morning—but I'm not going anywhere just yet. I'm hoping very much that I won't need to return to Costa Rica and tell Laurie Davis my suspicions without more concrete evidence. I'm hoping very much to fly home to Atlanta tomorrow and cope with Cam's treatment and pray for a light at the end of this tunnel of heartsickness.

But tonight, I have to find out what kind of man Varrick Von really is.

If I'm right about him, maybe justice will finally be served—for Megan and for me. If I'm wrong...well...if I'm wrong, then I'm putting myself at risk, and I can't walk into risk blindly.

I can accept that being wrong might mean I can never be with Leed, but I can't end up like Megan—lost without a trace. I've put my family through that once, and I won't do it again. If I disappear now, they would all think I'm using again because of the break-up I just had with Leed, and eventually they would all assume that drugs—or the people mixed up with the drugs—killed me. I won't hurt any of the people I love like that.

No, I definitely have to fight like hell to get on that plane to Atlanta tomorrow, so I have to make sure I have protections, if I'm wrong about Varrick.

I rent a car and sneak back to my apartment, cruising the parking lot. I'm lucky, and as I suspect, Kat is not there.

I clean up, fix my makeup, put on a skirt, blouse, and jacket that makes me look generic for LA. I twirl my eye-catching long locks up in a french twist and put on large sunglasses and flats, just in case I have to run. I pack a hasty bag for Atlanta, hoping against hope that I'm going to make it there. Then I stop by a sporting goods store and buy the strongest taser they have, plus some pepper spray, just in case. I read the directions for the taser twice, just to make sure I know how to use it and I practice pulling it from my jacket pocket, to make sure I can access it quickly if I need it.