TANTRIC (Book 3 of the Soundcrush Series)

Chapter 30: Hippie Chics Inspire Songs

So...guess what? Last night  "Leed" wrote a song.  The song is completely original, inspired by the story and is included in entirety in the chapter . I didn't "song-claim" and use another song's melody and cadence to inspire, but I did spend a LONG time today, perusing Spotify to find a song that I thought would give you the vibe of Leed's song. I think it would be something like Alone With You by Canyon City.  Obviously, Leed writing a song in one night would mean a simple acoustic arrangement, and I like this songs melancholy feel on the verses, but how it becomes more hopeful during the chorus, which is sort of similar to the dynamic in Leed's song. Also, it has a sort of "love's journey" theme which exactly coincides with Leed's lyrics. So yeah, the melody and cadence are different, but this is the kind of song "Leed" wrote...

Ashlynn

It's surreal to wake in my old bed at Trace's, stretch in the thousand dollar sheets I shamefully clothed the bed in, and breathe in the slightly floral smell that flows from the en suite bathroom, which is stocked with piles of ten-dollar organic bath bombs and fancy french-milled soaps that I hardly ever used.

I don't even remember buying most of the stuff in the room, but I'm sure it was during the early days when I was still swinging from sober and hurting to high on pills and retail therapy. It wasn't just me...Trace went through a "holy shit I'm fucking loaded phase" right about the time we got married. His income was growing exponentially every month, with the royalties and the first tour profits and the endorsements flooding in. It was one of the few pleasurable things we did together...sitting on the couch with a laptop, rounding out the professional decorating of his brand new rock star mansion with tidbits from the most elite online brands. He appreciated the help with the details and back then I was too out of balance to mind spending his money.

Yes, my old bedroom is luxurious and cozy , and to be honest, it feels more like home than the new place, but I can feel no pleasure from being here.

I left my heart three doors down the road.

I wonder what Leed is doing. If he slept, if he's hungover. I think about last night and I wish I had reacted differently to his crazy proposal. Not agreed, I don't mean that...but I wish I hadn't walked out in disbelief and frustration. I wish I had stayed and made him see, we just aren't ready for that, even if we do love each other. Especially because we love each other. There's too much at stake. Our love is too new, too fragile. Jumping in to being married when you are just learning someone is too shocking, too abrasive. I don't want to bruise and chafe what we are growing when its so young and tender.

I get that Leed is a little bit crazy right now. Having to see those paintings of me must have been...infuriating and overwhelming and confusing. I know he must have a million worries, a million questions. I know it's not fair to leave him in the dark.

I'm going to have to tell him...some things. Maybe if I can explain, Leed will be able to see that he isn't obsessed with me. He's just an egomaniac that obsessed with his victories. He's having those pictures painted to to focus on the days he "won", when I submitted willingly, and found relief from my brain pain and addiction in his methods. But he didn't actually "win" me in the end, because the night I left for good, he lost the one thing he values most—his control. That's why I know, he would never swallow his considerable pride to ask me to submit to him again, because we both know what he is.

Leed was so right, he's not a responsible caretaker, a man that assumes the role of a Dom for mutual pleasure. He's a sociopath with a very attractive disguise. But he's a prideful sick person and I saw his weakness. That probably makes me the last person he ever wants to see again, except in the moments hanging on his wall...in the moments that proved him right—in the moments I found some relief for my pain, in his methods.