alone | noen eubanks

15

Scars POV
Jillian and I sit down on the couch and she puts her arm around me. I can't help but think of the look on Noens face when he saw her.
We both agreed the kiss meant nothing, but it really did mean something to me. I've been thinking about it since.
I shake my head.
"So are you two dating or what?" Lyra says. I realize they've been having a conversation this whole time.
"We're not dating nor talking. We're just chilling." I say cutting Jillian off.
"What about the night of the party? How did I not know about this Scar?" Lyra looks at me. "You've been keeping your friendship with her on the low. That hurts bro." She acts hurt.
I sarcastically rolll my eyes. "We were both drunk that night it meant nothing. We only ever hanged late at night on nights I wasn't with you or Noen." Jillian shifts next to me.
"Okay fair. I'm gonna go home. See you at school tomorrow?" Lyra asks me. I nod. She throws a peace sign and leaves.
"You've talked to Noen yet?" Jillian says the moment Lyra leaves.
"About what?" I shift to look at her.
"About us having a threesome of course." She says.
"Jillian!" I slightly punch her arm.
"Hey you're the one who said you would be down with one a month ago." She argues back, smirking.
"I was high as hell. I didn't mean anything I said." I roll my eyes.
"So you didn't mean anything you said about Noen." She just looks at me.
I hesitate to shake my head. "Okay maybe that part. But not the threesome!" I get up and go to the kitchen. I reach for the pantry.
"They ate all my poptarts!" I yell.
Jillian pokes her head through the kitchen doorway.
"What does a girl have to do to eat some Cupcake flavored pop tarts around here." I say. Jillian laughs.
"I'll do you one better." She says reaching into her pocket. "Mango flavored Juul." She holds the Juul up.
"On Jah?" I say going over to her and grabbing it. I take a hit.
"Mmmm" I say. She laughs.
Her phone rings.
"I swear if you have to leave, I'm holding onto your Juul." I fold my arms.
"Give it back tomorrow?" She chances. I roll my eyes.
"Fine. Bye." We hug and she leaves.
All alone again.
I go up to my room.
It's the same way it's been since Noen first helped me decorate it. I never moved anything from where he placed it.
I pick up my phone and text Noen asking if I could come over.
I know it's late but I've been feeling off the whole day.
He says I can come back he'll have to sneak me in.
(I'm literally too lazy to add text messages so L)
I skate to his house and arrive at 1:47am.
He motions for the back door and I go towards the back, leaving my skateboard out there.
He lets me in and we tiptoe to his room.
I collapse on his bed. He sits on the edge.
"What's up? We have school tomorrrow." He says.
"Chill dude. I got lonely in my house. I'm two days away from getting a dog." I sit up.
"Wait if you do can I come with?" His eyes widen.
"Yeah sure." I say. "I was thinking of pulling an all nighter." I search my pockets for where I put Jillian's Juul.
I pull it out.
"Woah no bad." He grabs the Juul.
"Hey give that back!" I say reaching to grab it back.
"Not in this house. You get it when you leave." He gets up.
I cross my arm. "I don't like you." I say.
"Ow. I'm hurt." He sits back down on the bed.
We spend the rest of the time talking. At around 3am Noen passes out.
I'm so lost in my thoughts I don't realize I'm leaning into my bad memories. I begin to remember everything. All the pain I felt. My eyes begin to water. I get up and go to the bathroom.
A sudden wave of feelings overwhelming me.
I begin hyperventilating.
What. The. Fuck.
Tears are streaming down my face as I silently cry.
Sometimes I wish I did die so I wouldn't have these moments of relapsing.
I lose track of time in the bathroom.
I sit, back against the wall, crying into my knees. I could barely breathe.
There's a silent knock at the door.
I freeze.
"You okay in their Scar?" Noens groggy voice breaks the silence.
I sit up wiping my tears. I close my eyes.
Nothing. Black. Nothing.
I inhale and open the door.
"Yeah I'm good." I exhale.
"Let's go to sleep." He says to me in a soft voice.
He grabs my wrist.
I slightly twitch as he does. I tried to repress the twitch and it seems as if he didn't notice.
He walks me to his bed and lays down.
I lay down next to him.
He turns away from me and passes out.
I stay staring at the back of his head.
"How am I supposed to know if I love you when I barely can find it in me to love myself." I whisper as low as possible.
I wrap my arms around him and put my face into his back. I struggle at first but eventually I fall asleep.

———————————
dont @ me this chapter was disgusting but i really want this drama to hit sooner ):<

also this story is literally #3 on #noeneubanks like wtf that's so surreal