alone | noen eubanks

27

                                         Scars POV
I wake up the next day at 11am. I immediately text Noen asking if he wants to go get brunch together. Alone.
He responds a few minutes later and sends an address to an IHop between our hotels. We agree to meet up in about an hour and I go to take a shower.
I come out of the shower and change.
I exit the bathroom to see Lyra is still asleep.
I reach into my jeans from last night and slip the pills into the pants i'm wearing.
I put a bottle of water next to her and fix her sheets before exiting the hotel.
I end up walking to the Ihop as it isn't that far and when I get there Noen already got us a table.
"Good morning." He said to me as I sat down.
"Morning." I smile at him.
"When was the last time we've hung out just the two of us." He asked placing a hand on the table.
I grab his hand and intertwine our fingers. "I don't know but I've missed you." I slightly squeeze his hand. I have to do this today. "Hey I have to go to the bathroom. Mind ordering for me whatever you think I'd like." I say pulling my hand away.
"Sure." He says picking up the menu.
I stare at him for a split second before getting up and heading towards the bathroom.
I make sure no one is in the bathroom and I reach into my pocket and pull the pills out.
There's three left.
I rub them between my finger and take two out.
I debate if I actually want to do this.
I have too.
I need too.
It's for the better of everything.
I place the pills on my tongue and turn on the faucet and sip whatever from it.
I close my eyes and wait to start feeling something.
After about a minute my body feels like it's buzzing.
I slowly feel my soul leave my body.
I don't feel like moving for what feels like forever.
I can't bring myself to move.
I slightly panick until the bathroom door opens and someone enters.
It triggers me to move and I head towards the door.
I exit the bathroom and try my best to get back to the table before I lose control over my body again.
I make it back and Noen eyes me as I sit but looks back on his phone.
"Wow you're so pretty." I spit out.
Noen looks up at me. "Are you okay?" He asks.
I nod and smile.
Everything seems to go like a blur after that.
We eat and we talked a while.
It's been what felt like forever but probably just an hour and a half. I feel myself becoming more tired.
I can't recall what we talked about but I know I was being extra open but all the energy I was putting out made me want to sleep.
It felt as if I was watching myself talk to Noen.
He offers to walk me back to my hotel and I agree.
This isn't my first time taking Xanax and I know that the moment I hit my bed I'm out.
"Are you actually okay Scar? You're being extra slow again." He empathizes on the 'again' part. I feel a pang of guilt course through me.
"I'm fine." I say after a second.
We arrive at my hotel and go up to my room.
We're just outside the door when I turn to Noen.
"There's something I have to say." I stare him in the eyes.
Once again, time feels like a run on sentence.
I'm fighting the urge to sleep and the urge to not hurt Noen at the same time.
He looks at him with a 'go on' face.
"I think we should take a break." I spit out after a moment.
"Take a break? We aren't even dating." He says letting go of my hand. I sense it fall to my side.
I've lost the ability to feel.
"Take a break as in stop seeing a eachother for a while. Maybe a few months?" My head slowly drops down and I stare at the floor.
"W-we we just reunited what do you mean? We see eachother for what, 4 days and you already want a break from me..?" I sense the hurt in his voice.
He's right, I'm stupid.
We haven't seen eachother in basically two weeks, we see eachother for a few days then he's off again for another two weeks.
I lift my head to look him in the eye. "No communication. A break from eachother. Not talking to eachother, texting, snapping." Why am I still talking.
I begin to fight myself. Just shut up already.
I see Noens eyes slant and it kills me that I just hurt him. It's unnecessary.
"I thought you were going to the show tomorrow?" He barely whispers.
All sorts of emotions course through my body.
I want to yell at myself.
Hurt myself.
There's no reason to hurt Noen. Why am I doing this to him. I barely deserve him and I'm pushing him away.
"I don't know if we are anymore." I slowly say. Sleepiness overtaking. "Goodbye Noen." I say and look away to not see how much pain I've just cost him.
He barley makes a sound and turns away to walk to the elevator.
I want to cry but I can't.
I watch him enter the elevator and I don't turn to open my room until I've heard it shut.
What the fuck have I done. Why did I think this was a good idea.
I sheepishly walk over to my bed and flop on it.
My feelings are gone physically but I feel everything mentally.
Xanax is one hell of a drug and I need to stop relying on it often.
I shut my eyes to bury my thoughts and end up falling asleep thinking everything through.

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psst if you don't get it, in parts i haven't written, scar uses xans as a way to numb her feelings just making that clear. she doesn't use them often but every now & then.
anyways thanks for 19k reads (: