Trainwreck |✔️

CHAPTER 30

Really loosing confidence in my writing, for some reason I'm just not happy with anything, which is why I'm tempted to start a new story with a bit of a role reversal for the boys... anyone Interested? Or do we prefer slightly more dominant Ant? 💜

"Dad, why haven't we gone back to my house?"

"Because your mother is worried sick about you, you never visit... or call and then suddenly you're pressing the panic button. She'd chew my head off if I didn't bring you hear."

"Ya know she won't like Ant being there."

"Aye that may be true but I think it's time we all moved on.... the kids suffered enough don't you think?" I looked down at his restless form.

"I have moved on...I'm not punishing him."

"Aren't you?" My eyes darted to the rearview mirror and back down to Ants sleeping face. Am I? "How is he then?"

My hand came down to stroke through his hair. It was slick with sweat and now I really focused I could still feel the way his body trembled on my lap. "He's sleeping... t's pretty bad though... he's got a fever and is trembling."

"Right. Get him inside then, it'll have to be you're room I'm afraid... Mam cleared out the spare."

"It's fine... Anth? Anth... you need wake up... it's okay... you're okay." I shook him gentle and he stirred slightly on my lap. After blinking into the land of the living, he winced at the pain as it all flooded back to him, he hugged his torso and shut his eyes tightly against it all.

"Anth... Anth can you hear me." The pain, fear, panic and guilt shone so brightly in his eyes I was taken aback and it magnified everything I was feeling... it took all I had not to burst into tears right there. He's in pain, pain I caused.

Very carefully I sat him up and juggled him into my arms. I began walking him up to my room and nostalgia flooded through every fibre of my being.

He was so weak, why did this have to feel so familiar? Why did I always end up with the pain burning through my chest when he gets hurt so bad? I felt all my boundaries crashing down as the desperate urge to touch him, hold him to be absolutely sure he was okay, over came me like a tidal wave.

I stepped us both into the room and laid him carefully on the bed. My eyes drifted to every corner of my childhood home, just how i had left it 4 years ago.... After everything we had gone through, everything we'd survived... somehow I couldn't lose him because there is no greater pain than being apart. He was part of me, ever since that first time he looked in my eyes all those years ago outside the principles office we had been connected, he had been part of me. The side of my mind that had been fighting the truth for the past four years disappeared and our whole story flashed before my eyes. Every Good moment, the moments I wanted to remember.

'you staring at short-stuff?' 'What makes you think you can order me around kid? 'he's not a bad kid at heart' 'No one's that nice. You must want something... everyone does.' Stay away from me. It's safer that way.' 'You're not allowed to park here.' 'I'm sorry by the way' 'I had no where else to go' 'Don't like the thunder.'- 'Come here' 'You're not very scary and I'm not like everyone else' 'You defending him again 'Partlin?' 'Depends on the boy' 'you just sit there and look pretty' ''And Dec? I really like you too' 'Don't cry for me' 'Mine.' 'Yours' 'I love you Dec. Only you. I'll never want anyone else but you. You are my everything Decky. The only valuable thing I have in this shitty life.' 'I had fallen in love with you Dec, and you have to believe me when I say that I didn't want to go through with the plan' 'Love you... to the moon and back.'