Trainwreck |✔️

CHAPTER 46

"I dunno Sarha... it's not really me ay?" I said, holding the floral shirt at arms length before ducking as a pair of trousers where chucked carelessly over the teens head to almost hit mine. "Oy watch it will ya? Almost had my eye out man."

"You asked me to help you choose an outfit for your date,  so I'm helping." The blonde spun round and held up a black shirt in front of her at arms length, she placed a hand on her hip and stuck her tongue out as she tried to Align it with my torso.

"I like that one." I said, hopeful she'd agree and just let me be - I was nervous enough as it was. My hope was squandered though as she rolled her eyes and threw it onto the 'No' pile.

"Why is everything you own Black?!"

"Black is not a bad colour!"

"It's not even a colour!" I flopped back down onto mine and Dec's bed with a frustrated exhale.

"I can't do this. I can't even get changed, this was an awful idea. I'm calling Dec, we'll just get Chinese, he loves Chinese."

"Nooooo!" My Phone was out of my hands before i had even made it to the lock screen. I sat up and glared at Sarha whilst trying to swipe my phone back, she pocketed it and gave me a disapproving look. I felt like a child being told off by my primary school teacher, it was amazing how much she'd grown. "Don't be stupid! You promised to take that boy on a date so you've gotta do it."

"But I don't know how to do it! W-what if I fudge it up and-"

"Fudge? Seriously, Ant I'm not 12 anymore I've heard the word fuck." She laughed but I didn't find it that funny.

"Oh don't give us that look, we both know you were and still are a whole lot worse then me." I rubbed the back of my neck bashfully.

"Point taken." I grumbled, resting my forearms on my thighs and bowing my head forward so I could run my hands through my hair.

"Come on, try this outfit on. I promise you'll look super handsome, Declan won't be able to keep his hands off you!" She said with a wink.

"Sarha!" I scolded, "this isn't meant to be about that. I want to treat him, take him somewhere classy like he deserves. B-but I'm so worried I'll screw it up I'm panicking even more."

Sarha sighed and wandered over to me, she sat down beside me and placed a hand round my shoulders. I let myself be pulled into the hug, I felt a little bit tense at first but soon relaxed into it. God i had missed her so much. "You're getting married to him Ant. Married. He clearly loves you no matter what you do so don't over think this, you are just going out for food with your partner, your best friend. Just be yourself." I took a deep breath and tried to repeat her words in my head but my anxiety got the better of me and all I ended up feeling was nauseous. Completely sick to my stomach.

"Ugh, Jesus Christ I'm so scared right now." I breathed, my leg bouncing up and down frantically to put my nervous energy into something that didn't seem aggressive or violent.

"Bad boy Ant McPartlin scared? Never thought I'd see the day." Sarha joked and I felt an odd sense of shame wash over me.

"I'm not like that anymore... you make mistakes, go to prison, you realise you're not the biggest shark in the tank and you sure as hell weren't built to survive the world alone." I took a deep breath and as I blinked an image was painted over my eyelids so I could see the scene as if watching an old fashioned movie: a beautiful tuft of sandy brown hair shone in the morning sunlight. It reflected the light and shined almost as bright as the emerald green eyes below which brightened up as the sweet creature before me ran with his puppy, a huge grin painted across his perfect lips and the smile reaching all the way to his eyes making my heart burst with love and affection. Heaven, that's what those memory's were for me, a way to escape back to heaven.