Formula for Destruction | a kimi raikkonen fanfiction |

with or without you

Malu had indulged a couple of kisses with Kimi, but nothing more. She was taking it slow. Kimi decided. That was her style anyway. On her own terms. Always.

She did the usual job, though. She went out at nights and returned early mornings. She left the house at nine in the morning and returned late evening. There was nothing he could do to get her with him to the first race or any race for that matter. She was absent and whenever she was around she had him silenced with her lips on his.

He decided to leave her a note before he packed and left for the race.

He looked at his helmet and sighed heavily. This was terrible. No wife, no kids, no anyone waiting there for him. Worrying for his wellbeing.

Kimi closed his eyes and turned around.

Opening his eyes he came face to face with a pair of green ones. Eyes he'd seen in a wide spectrum of emotions over the years. Eyes he didn't think he'd see there.

"Hello, love." She whispered, smiling mischievously at him.

"Mal," he whimpered.

"Sorry," she said. "I wasn't there for you."

"Love, I-"

"No more, Kimi, no more running. You said so yourself. If you want to be with me. Us. I had so much work the past week, I neglected you." She smirked and grabbed on his suit, pulling him to her. "I neglected my man, such a pity. I won't kiss you now. Is that okay? How about you go out there, get a podium and come find me in your room in the motorhome?"

"Mal, you're here." He whispered looking at her.

"I am. For you. Just you."

He gave her a small smile and pulled back. "I guess I'll meet you in the motorhome."

She took a step forward and zipped up his suit, adjusting everything back to it's place. Wires and suit rendering together into her immaculate perfection.

Malu turned her eyes to his. "Get me a podium and I'll let you be on top for once."

He moaned silently, his eyes heated and full of a frustration she hadn't seen before. "You know how I can never deny you anything."

"Oh, I know. I'll be in your motorhome. " She licked her lips. "Enjoy your race, my love."

°•°•°•°

Kimi came third, surprisingly. Through a race where probably half of the cars didn't finish.

She was either his lucky charm, or she had threatened half of the drivers. Then there was Brundle's question of;

"Who was the illustrious woman in the garage?"

In which Kimi had replied with a smile. "I'll follow on Sebastian's steps and not say anything about my life from now on."

But it was evident enough that this woman was a lot more than just a friend.

He went to his motorhome as per her request and knocked on the door, barely hearing her breathlessly allowing him entrance.

He was captivated by her. She sat on his chair, legs spread just enough, shirt unbuttoned all the way down, her ample chest barely being confined into the black lacy bra, lips a few shades redder than before and hair thrown back.

It was official. He was hers. He knew that. Not because they matched in their peculiar tastes in love making, but because they understood each other. Because they talked and they knew each other better than anyone else.

Kimi was a fool, fool man for her. He locked the door, letting his staff on the floor. He took a few steps before her and fell on his knees between her parted legs.

He looked up at her like a supplicant to a demon goddess that didn't know he was selling his soul.

"Marry me." He said. "Marry me, there's no one like you. Perfect for me."

She smiled. "You just got your divorce. I'm not a rebound."

"Mal," he began and took her hands in his, stopping her from trying to button her shirt again. "All this time, my body might have been married to her, but my soul was bound to yours. You know that. I am yours."

"I know. But that doesn't mean marriage. Being bound to someone is not marriage."

"Then what is it, Mal?"

"A deep yearning, something you know and no one else does. You are my everything, but marriage is a disease and you know it perfectly well."

"But-"

"What? Children? You want kids, Kimi?"

He just kept looking at her unsure of what to say.

"You do, don't you? Kids can happen without marriage though you know I won't allow you to give them your name, or be with them as you were with the other two. I'm not Minttu, Kimi. I'm harsh, twisted and evil. No soul must call me mother. Understood?"

She slapped his hands away and buttoned her shirt, she stood and straightened her clothes.

"Come." She said. "Let's go to the hotel and have dinner. You must be exhausted. We can talk about huge steps some other time."

"Mal, please, this is not some random idea. I want you to marry me for real."

"And I want a million things, Kimi. But nothing becomes real. You need to rest. And we need to talk when you are in a position to act rationally."

He stood and shook his head. "I don't know why I love you."

She gave him a small smile. "I am not surprised."

"I didn't mean-"

"Kimi," she said. "We don't need to be bound by any human obstacle. My heart and my body are yours, just as yours are mine. Don't overcomplicate it. We don't need vows and a crowd, or signed papers. Plain ink can't determine my feelings for you."

"Think on it, please."

She sighed. "I'll consider it."

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Long time no see, university is a bitch so bear with me.

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