Supernatural imagines: So, Get This...

Sam's Hate

Sam hating himself for letting you leave.

(1002 WORDS)

THIRD-PERSON POV:

[TW: Extremely sad. Didn't realize how sad it was until editing. good luck not crying] 

He didn't have a choice, he just couldn't admit that it wasn't his fault. He was the only thing holding him back. 

It was any other day in the hunting game, they'd tracked a djinn fought it and carried on about their days. Sure Sam was wondering what Y/N was doing when she seemed to run off all of a sudden but he didn't think it was anything serious.

She sat in the doctor's waiting room, bouncing her knee on the spot, staring at the floor. 

"Y/N L/N?" The doctor called into the room. Her heart instantly fell to her gut, she knew it was bad news from the expression on his face. She seemed to blackout as she walked into his office and took a seat. All she heard was white noise as he talked after he said he only had 2 months to live. She was shocked but knew it already, she had a feeling but hearing it out loud was heart-shattering. As she left only one tear fell, a tear which warned her of the rest if she didn't stop it. She was never the type to cry and now was not the time for her to start. 

She walked into the motel with a stone-cold face. Ignore Sam's greeting she instantly stormed over to her bed. 

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Sam asked in a concerned tone as he walked around the couch he was just previously sitting on. 

"I can't do this anymore," She snapped. Even seeing the sorrow in his eyes didn't stop her, she was determined. "Sam, I can't live like this! You might be fine, hunting monsters and drinking with your brother but I'm not, I have to go otherwise I'll be here for the rest of my life," She shouted. Tears in her eyes, all too scared to escape. 

"Y/N, why are you saying this?" He asked brokenhearted. She lost her breath, only to find it holding back her tears. 

"I'm leaving and there is no way you can stop me, I'm sorry but I'm not dying a hunter," She scoffed throwing the bag on her shoulder. "Goodbye, Sam," She softly spoke before turning towards the door. Sam watched after her not noticing her hesitate at the door before forcing it open and never returning. Growing more and more reckless as her time ticked on. She didn't mean what she said but it was the only way to save Sam. To save him from the heartache of losing her to a slow death.

He hated himself for weeks on end, regretting it all, considering leaving but no matter where he looked she wasn't there, he only found her when it was on the news. A heroic death. 

"Reports show that the woman, Y/N, was a hero, she had been given 2 months to live in the early weeks of June and since had saved many. A hero to the locals and a number in the system," The TV spoke grabbing Sam's attention. He couldn't believe it, not because it was unbelievable but because he didn't want to, he simply reduced. Even with her picture on the screen, he was in disbelief. 

Even hearing she was gone he continued to search. Though it hurt, Dean was the one who had to identify the body and with Bobby's help gave her Hunter's burial. 

Sam would sit alone, thinking, crying, searching, hoping. Deep down he knew, but even deeper down he was in denial. He had felt loss and pain but not like this, not this intense. 

He couldn't sleep. Not without her, he refused to eat until he was on the brink of passing out. It hit him hard and when the night felt long he would sit outside the bunker, his back to the wall and stare off into the distance, sometimes imagining Y/N would appear and explain a crazy story that would justify it all but as the night went on nothing happened, she never came, and he never forgave himself. 

His eyes were always red from crying, his throat raw and he heartbroken. Dean tried all he could, giving him space, distracting him but Sam wanted revenge and the only person he could blame was himself for letting her go. He punished himself, eating next to nothing and as time went on Dean was afraid to go on hunts with him and afraid to leave him alone. 

Once again he sat outside of the bunker but this time it was different, this time he knew he couldn't imagine her there. It had been months since he saw her and he was forgetting the details. 

"Cas, I don't ask you for much, but I need this," He spoke to the world and heard no return. He waited, he waited till the sun arose. 

The flames burned in his face before Crowley appeared behind them. 

"Wondered how long it would take you," Crowley sassed taking a seat and acting like he owned the place. 

"Is she in hell?" Sam asked demandingly. Crowley's eyes softened.

"No, even when she was hunting, I had nothing bad on her," Crowley explained in a softer voice than usual. "Not everyone's a Winchester, you can't bring her back," He added. Sam only scoffed. 

"I'll give myself in for her, I'll give you my soul, I'll give you anything," Sam demanded but Crowley looked at him sadly. It only angered Sam, the eyes he had seen since the news. 

"I can't. I promised I wouldn't," Crowley sadly explained. 

"Since when did you make promises and kept them?!" Sam now screamed. 

"I'm sorry," Crowley added before disappearing. Sam shouted at the thin air. Dean heard it all and waited by the door knowing there was nothing he could do as he heard Sam scream and cry. It only hurt so Dean walked away just like she did.