Best Part

PART 26

HER POV (Listen to Swear It Again for feels)

Ilang araw na rin ang lumipas simula nang makalabas ako sa hospital. Nagaalinlangan pa si Mama kung mananatili pa ba ako pero mas nanaig ang kagustuhan ko na sa bahay nalang magpagaling.

"Emily, ayos ka lang ba talaga?"

"Ayos lang ako, Mama. It's much better to stay here in our house than being suffocated to that white colored room."

"Just...just tell us if something hurts on you, okay? Babalik agad tayo sa hospital. Baka ano nanaman ang mangyari sa'yo, 'nak." I walked closer to Mama and held her hand.

"Mama, hindi ba't doctor na ang nagsabi na maaari na akong makalabas? Ibig sabihin, gagaling na ako...ibig sabihin, hindi malala ang sakit ko." Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit.

"I'm sorry if your life was like this, baby...I'm sorry, this is our fault..."

"Walang may kasalanan, Ma. Hindi ko 'to ginusto. Hindi mo 'to ginusto. Walang may gusto na mangyari 'to. Let's just thank God for saving me this time...for the third time?"

I can't stop myself from smiling whenever I remember that I'm already home. I hope that this is a sign that I'll be able to live like what a normal teenager do.

This cancer just stopped me from doing all the things I used to do. Its impact made my daily living, changed. I had to give up anything that includes moving and my hobbies. I'm just like living with uncertainty.

And I hate that every single person I talked to, they're really treating and seeing me as a "sick person" that needed to be taken care of. I can't be as active as I would like to be.

When I was inside the hospital, I felt like a prisoner of my own cancer. I had to stay hydrated, get some physical exercise, maintain my healthy diet and of course, use water or air filter. I learned to say "no" to Travis even though I'm really dying to do something crazy with him.

The worst thing, the therapist said to me that I should be positive and focus to the thought that I shouldn't let this cancer define me as a person but how can I do that? I know that it's controlling me and putting me limitations.

Shortness of breath.

Fatigue.

Difficulty of falling asleep.

Persistent cough.

Voice hoarseness.

Chronic pain.

Kung dati hindi pa ito ganoon kalala, ngayon sobrang hirap na dahil oras oras akong tinatamaan. Wala nalang akong nagagawa kung hindi ang ipaubaya lahat sa Doktor dahil hindi ko matiis ang iyak at hagulgol ni Mama.

She already lost 3 children, I can't just let it take me away from my parents.

I don't like the idea of them, looking for a huge amount of money, due to financial burdens from not being able to work because I still have to visit the Doctor, frequently. I hate the distance I have to travel just to have that freaking treatment. It's even requiring assistance from family to maintain the household or to go to doctor's appointments, and not being able to leave the house because of diarrhea.

But I'm Emily, I won't let this stop me from doing everything I love. I know, I'm stubborn but I'm dying soonest anyways so why bother not spending the remaining days I got?

"Papasok ka na ba talaga?" I nodded my head. Natanaw ko sa labas si Gwyn na nakaabang na sa akin sakay ng kotse niya.

"Ma, I'll be fine." I hugged her tight to make sure that she won't worry anymore.