Best Part

PART 26

HER POV (Listen to Swear It Again for feels)

Several days have passed since I left the hospital. Mama is still uncertain whether I should stay, but my desire to recover at home was stronger.

"Emily, are you really okay?"

"I'm fine, Mama. It's much better to stay here in our house than being suffocated in that white room."

"Just... just tell us if something hurts, okay? We'll go back to the hospital right away. What if something happens to you again, 'nak?" I walked closer to Mama and held her hand.

"Mama, didn't the doctor say that I can go home now? That means I'll get better... that means my illness isn't that bad." She hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry if your life turned out like this, baby... I'm sorry, it's our fault..."

"No one's to blame, Ma. I didn't want this. You didn't want this. No one wanted this to happen. Let's just thank God for saving me... for the third time?"

I can't help but smile when I remember that I'm finally home. I hope this is a sign that I'll be able to live like a normal teenager again.

This cancer has taken away all the things I used to do. Its impact has changed my everyday life. I had to give up anything that involved movement and my hobbies. I'm just living with uncertainty.

And I hate that every person I talk to treats and sees me as a "sick person" who needs constant care. I can't be as active as I would like to be.

When I was in the hospital, I felt like a prisoner of my own cancer. I had to stay hydrated, exercise, maintain a healthy diet, and of course, use water or air filters. I learned to say "no" to Travis, even though I desperately wanted to do something crazy with him.

The worst part was when the therapist told me to stay positive and focus on not letting this cancer define me as a person. But how could I do that? I know it's controlling me and limiting me.

Shortness of breath.

Fatigue.

Difficulty sleeping.

Persistent cough.

Hoarseness.

Chronic pain.

If it wasn't this bad before, it's become unbearable now. Every hour, I feel the pain. All I can do is leave everything to the doctor because I can't bear to see Mama cry and sob.

She's already lost three children, I can't just let this take me away from my parents.

I don't like the idea of them having to search for large amounts of money because of financial burdens. They can't work because I have to visit the doctor frequently. I hate the distance I have to travel just to get treatment. It's even requiring family assistance to maintain the household or to go to doctor's appointments, and I can't leave the house because of diarrhea.

But I'm Emily, I won't let this stop me from doing everything I love. I know I'm stubborn, but I'm dying soon anyway, so why not spend my remaining days doing what I want?

"Are you really going?" I nodded. I saw Gwyn waiting for me in her car outside.

"Ma, I'll be fine." I hugged her tightly to make sure she wouldn't worry anymore.

"Ma, I'll stay at Gwyn's for now." Mama frowned, looking like she didn't agree with what I said.

"Emily..."

"Ma, please. I don't want to be locked up here in the house. Yes, I'm out of the hospital, but it's like you locked me here anyway. I want to live like before, Ma. I want to live without constantly thinking about death."