Best Part

PART 15

HIS POV (Listen to You Are The Reason by Calum Scott for feels anyways the message about God, that Emily told to Travis was from crosswalk.com try searching it on google, you'll be amazed to God's word. Credits to them. Enjoy reading 4k+ words for you.)

💛

I can't fucking sleep.

I don't know why but every time that I'll try to close my eyes and sleep, I always end up sitting down, staring at the window. I tried drinking sleeping pills but it just keeps me from being awake.

Tatlong buwan lang ako nagkaroon nang maayos na tulog. The rest? Always awake. I suddenly felt that I'm slowly becoming a vampire. Fuck, what am I thinking? As I was roaming in my room, I heard the door locked. Is Emily now gone?

"Yep, she is..." I opened the door, roamed my eyes around the house. There's no Emily around. I'm glad to know that she's going home early lately.

Ayoko na makita si Emily.

Ayoko na siyang lumalapit sa akin.

Ayoko na manatili siya ng mas matagal pa sa buhay ko dahil pakiramdam ko, nananatili na lamang siya dahil obligasyon niya 'yon.

Dahil isang taon na rin kaming magkakilala.

That's why I kept ignoring her. I never layed my eyes on her again. I kept forgetting her existence here in the house. Gusto ko na siyang paalisin ng hindi ko sinasabi, gusto ko kusa niyang gawin dahil 'yon ang pinaparamdam ko.

Nitong mga nakaraang araw, mas naging doble 'yong lungkot na nararamdaman ko. Sa tuwing naaalala ko siya, naiiyak ako. Sa tuwing naaalala ko lahat ng nangyari sa akin, parang gusto ko nang sumuko.

Everytime that I remember the mistakes I did, I always blame myself.

Everytime that I remember something I did, I always hate myself to the point that I'll hate being me even my existence.

That shit sucks so much.

The fucking pain changed me that's why I'm far from who I was. I wasn't this fucked up not until something happened that caused me to shut people out of my life. I learned how to trust less and to overthink a lot.

Apat na taon na.

Apat na taon na simula nang nangyari ang lahat.

Four fucking years since they left, cheated and replaced me.

Four fucking years yet I'm still stuck up here and can't even move a bit.

It sucks when you want to move on but you just can't because memories keep flashing in your mind.

Sobrang daling sabihin na "kalimutan mo na 'yon" "makakalimot ka rin" pero ang hirap gawin lalo na't kung mahal na mahal mo 'yong mga tao dati.

Days and nights had passed yet nothing changed.

Kung tutuusin nga, mas lalo pa akong naging malungkot.

Mas lalo lang akong nahihirapan habang nabubuhay ako.

Mas lalo lang humihirap 'yong sitwasyon ko habang palipas nang palipas ang panahon.

Habang binubuksan ko ang pintuan, bigla na lamang nandilim ang paningin ko. Napahawak ako sa ulo ko habang nakaluhod. They keep talking to me.

"Aaaaah.... fuck! Stop it! Stop it!" I shouted. Ang dami kong nakikita at naririnig.

Agad akong napatayo at pinagsasapak ang pader. I hate the fact that the past keeps on hunting me. I badly want to move forward and forget but my mind and heart keeps showing all the memories that keeps me from remembering it.