Best Part

PART 15

HIS POV (Listen to You Are The Reason by Calum Scott for feels anyways the message about God, that Emily told to Travis was from crosswalk.com try searching it on google, you'll be amazed to God's word. Credits to them. Enjoy reading 4k+ words for you.)

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I don't know why, but every time I try to close my eyes and sleep, I always end up sitting down, staring out the window. I tried taking sleeping pills, but they just keep me awake.

For three months, I had normal sleep. The rest? Always awake. I suddenly feel like I'm turning into a vampire. Fuck, what am I even thinking?

As I wandered around my room, I heard the front door lock. Did Emily leave?

"Yep, she's gone..." I muttered as I opened the door and looked around the house. There was no Emily in sight. I'm relieved that she's been going home earlier lately.

I don't want to see Emily anymore.

I don't want her near me.

I don't want her to stay any longer in my life because it feels like she's only here out of obligation.

Because we've known each other for a year now.

That's why I kept ignoring her. I never looked at her again. I pretended she didn't exist in this house. I wanted her to leave without me saying it. I wanted her to figure it out on her own because that's what I was trying to make her feel.

These past few days, the sadness I've been feeling has doubled. Every time I think about her, I feel like crying. Every time I remember everything that happened to me, I feel like giving up.

Every time I recall my mistakes, I always blame myself.

Every time I remember something I did, I end up hating myself—to the point that I despise my own existence.

That shit sucks so much.

The pain changed me. That's why I'm nothing like I used to be. I wasn't this fucked up before—not until something happened that made me shut people out of my life. I learned how to trust less and overthink more.

Four years.

Four fucking years since it all happened.

Four fucking years since they left, cheated, and replaced me.

Four fucking years, yet I'm still stuck in the same place, unable to move forward.

It sucks when you want to move on, but you just can't because the memories keep flashing in your mind.

It's so easy for people to say, "Forget about it," or "You'll move on eventually." But they have no idea how hard it is—especially when you loved those people so much.

Days and nights have passed, yet nothing has changed.

If anything, I've only become even more miserable.

Life has only gotten harder as time goes by.

As I opened the door, my vision suddenly went dark. I clutched my head and fell to my knees. They keep talking to me.

"Aaaah... fuck! Stop it! Stop it!" I screamed. Voices and images flooded my mind.

I quickly stood up and started punching the wall. I hate that the past keeps haunting me. I desperately want to move forward and forget, but my mind and heart keep dragging me back.

"I'm fucking tired!"

Four years have passed, yet I'm still nothing. A burden. A useless presence in James's life. A nuisance in Emily's.