Crash
Sam runs a hand through his hair, devastated, destroyed. The heavy weight of anxiety present on Sam's chest. It only made it worse that he was there when it happened. You flew straight out of the broken window of the Impala when it got hit. When Sam saw you lying on the pavement with blood gushing out of your body, something broke deep inside him.
The only news the boys got is that you are in critical condition. They aren't allowed to go into your room because at the moment you are undergoing surgery. The doctors said that you might not make it.
Sam feels most of the stress. He could not lose you again. It is too much to bear, he's scared shitless of losing you. Dean and Castiel are trying to comfort him, but the one person he truly wants to comfort him is you. Which obviously isn't possible at the moment.
There is a window, that's all he can look through. A sheet of glass separating you from him. He watches as they work on you, performing various surgeries and such. Your anesthesiologist sits at your head, occasionally sweeping hair behind your ears in a caring manner. Sam stares at her strangely, until she finally makes eye contact with him. Her eyes flash black. "Oh my god." Sam mummers under his breath, astounded.
Seconds later your heart monitor goes crazy, then dies down, way down. You have no heartbeat now, only a few panicked doctors scrambling around you. Sam watches hopelessly as the doctors make a desperate attempt to save you using a defibrillator. "Clear!" A specialist shouts and your limp body jolts upward, but nothing happens. Suddenly, everything stops, the doctors seem to give up.
Sam starts to freak out, he hurries to the door that leads to your surgery room and pounds on it. "Let me in!!" He roars, still banging on the door with all his might. Guards rush over to him and practically pry him off of the door. "You don't understand! She needs me!" Sam shouts, fighting against the guards. Sam twists and punches one right in the face, probably breaking the guard's nose.
"Sam!" Sam instantly freezes and turns around, hurrying towards Dean. "Sam." Sam notices the dread and depression that is shining in Dean's usually hopeful green eyes. "What's happening Dean? Y/N..." Tears well up in Sam's eyes, and he struggles to keep them from falling.
"She signed a DNR." Dean says, staring at the ground intently, not making any form of eye contact with Sam.
Sam is speechless, he doesn't know what to do. He feels like he can barely breathe, like suddenly something is tightly wrapped around his neck blocking his airway, and he's trying to tear it off. A single tear slips out of one of his eyes as he squeezes them shut.
"She signed it years ago. The doctors didn't know until they looked at her medical records. That's why they stopped." Dean watches as Sam processes the information.
"Why would she do that? She knows that we will always need her..." Sam trails off. "That I will always need her." A few silent minutes pass before anyone speaks. "Dean. Maybe the crash wasn't the reason she died." Dean looks at Sam as if he's crazy. "I saw a demon in there! Her anesthesiologist was possessed! She could've pulled the plug and-" "Sam, she wasn't a demon." Castiel informs him with much pain carried in his voice.
"W-What??" Sam stutters. Was he just seeing things? "Sam you were hallucinating." Castiel confirms his suspicion. Sam suddenly feels dizy, and he sways clinging to Dean for support. "Oh my god Dean," Dean shivers, he didn't like seeing Sam this way. "Oh my god. My angel...she's gone." Tears start to cascade down Sam's face, this was too much to hold in. Too much to tuck away. What happened to forever?
Castiel felt the heartbreak as well. You and him were very close, practically siblings. Now he wishes that he could've saved you. That he could've made sure this never happened in the first place. He felt guilty, but Dean felt even worse.
There he is, his younger brother leaning on him for support, physically and mentally. He needs someone to help him, to lift him out of this pitch black darkness. But Dean couldn't help, he was in the darkness with Sam. It enveloped them both completely, and they couldn't get out. Dean couldn't help Sam. He couldn't tell him that it's okay, because truthfully, it never was to begin with.
"Dean what a-am I going to do?" Sam mummers, his voice cracking.
Sam never expected this to happen, for you to be gone so soon. Sam couldn't live without you forever. He needed you to be with him, by his side. "Keep breathing." Sam hears Dean half whisper.
Recovery, that is something that is out of reach. Sam knows that he will never recover from this. That never seeing your eyes filled with joy while you're with him again will impact him forever. Even the scarred memory of you still brings grief to him. The absence of you isn't only in his mind, it's physically too. Sam can never save you again, he can never protect you, because right now he's the one that needs to be saved, he's the one that needs an angel to guide him, he's the one that needs you.
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I'm soooo sorry that I haven't updated in a while!! I've been caught up with school! I will try to have another update ASAP!
If you see any mistakes please point it out to me!
Thanks! Hope you enjoy!
