Learning to Love Him Again

Chapter 18: It's Not Love

First of all, I want to thank God and all of you readers for loving this story and giving it so much love :)

Hello everyone! :) I just wanted to give a small surprise with a new chapter :). I know you all were waiting for the next chapter, so that is why I am giving a small, short and sweet update. I have decided to make the chapters shorter and do more frequent updates. So, today is the first update of the week and if I get a good response from all of you readers then I will update the next chapter midweek or Friday :)

If you wish, please do comment and upvote this chapter :) I know last chapter brought mixed feelings and I am glad it brought mixed responses because it is a pure reaction that readers should have and I am so proud how all of you are so involved in the story :) So, please be open to me about your opinions on the story because I absolutely love, love, love when readers give me feedback and tell me how the story is :) You all can give me feedback by posting on this update, messaging me on Wattpad or Twitter on my account name @JasmineDarcie :)

So, again I will be frequently updating this story from now on with shorter chapters, but don't worry the storyline is really long, so this story has a long way to go and will not be ending :). If I get a good response on this chapter then I will do more frequent update and update midweek or Friday :) If you wish please do comment and upvote :) Thank you for reading! :)

Note: Please do tell me if you like the new book cover :)

-Jasmine

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A yellow hue flashed in the darkness of my eyes to awaken my thoughts and bring me to reality. I placed my hand on my eyes as I felt my heart lightly beating against my chest. I took a deep breath as I kept my eyes closed and kept my hand still which moved up and down against soft skin underneath it.

Slowly opening my eyes, I felt the sunshine flash through the white cloth of the tent as it attempted to bring me back to reality and forget the dreaminess of the night. The sun shined lightly on my hand as I looked down and realized it laid on a bare chest. My eyes widening as my head laid in silence against it. Thunder rumbling through my body as my heart began to race.

Then reality struck as last night flashed in front of my eyes. A tale of passion and ecstasy that was intoxicated with pure lust. Passion that had no bounds and crossed barriers. His hands lightly touching my skin as he embraced me an unfamiliar comfort that was not found before. His touch on my bare skin that I enjoyed. My touch seemingly luring him more towards me and allowing him to touch bare tones of my soul.

What have I done? In that moment, all I remember was the desire I had of wanting him to want me and to give me passion and comfort that I could not find in anyone else. I had lust which I wanted to fulfill and that is what I did. In a moment of weakness, I failed to realize how much he wronged me and instead decided to lure him and fulfill long held desires that existed somewhere in my heart. I just know that I wanted that moment and I was in my complete senses when I lured him and made him mines' for a moment.

Last night, I untied my morals and gave up my values for a sin called lust. My parents always told me lust is sin and something one should never give into because it will only bring destruction. Indeed, last night, I destroyed myself because I gave into it. I gave into the physical attraction I held for him and for once get that feeling of being wanted. It is so wrong. Wrong on so many levels to give into ones' desires and commit sin. All my life, I have done everything I could to follow my morals and values and last night, I gave them up for a man who always wronged me and did everything in his power to hurt me...Why? Not because of love...Love?Uff...the mere idea of loving him somewhat sets up a fire in my soul. I cannot love him. There is no going back to the man who did everything in his power to hurt me. Not once he decided to give up on his revenge despite how selfless I was as a wife....despite my love for him that I always expressed. Love is about honesty, loyalty, and compassion...none that I ever got from Shivaay...More than that, I don't think I would be ever able to love him again. Love him the way I always did. I have remnants of love for him which are somewhere in my heart, but they are worthless...they are remnants that only express lust for him and not that selfless love I once had.