Another Zodiac Story (Archived)

Test Day

Teacher: OKAY LISTEN UP EVERYONE WE HAVE A POP TEST TODAY THAT IS 150% OF YOUR GRADE SO I HOPE Y'ALL STUDIED

Aries: Yo, what? 150%? There's no such thing as a pop test!

Saggy: *stands up* This is an injustice! I refuse to stand for this!

Aquarius: Actually, you just did.

Saggy: ...

Aquarius: ...

Saggy: *jumps over the desk and tackles Aquarius*

Teacher: *plays bullhorn* Okay, I'm passing out the tests now! You have ten minutes to complete all 3464573 questions! And... begin!

Aries: What is this sorcery???

Cancer: I don't know this one...

Leo: None of this is about lions!!!

Libra: Okay... um... I know this... pythagorean theorum...

Scorpio: *glaring at the test*

Gemini: Haha, I know all these answers! *Filling out questions randomly*

Saggy: *crossing her arms and refusing to fill out the test*

Capricorn: None of this matters because I am already a billionaire.

Aquarius: Um... uh... URANIUM no not that...

Pisces: Uh, Charlie, which one do you think it is?

Cancer: No, I don't know this one either...

Gemini: Ooh, true or false! *Flips a coin*

Taurus: *eating chips*

Virgo: *low-key filling out all the answers*

Scorpio: *still glaring at the test*

Leo: This one I'm pretty sure is Simba...

Capricorn: *filling out random answers*

Aries: *copying Capricorn's answers*

Libra: What??? We haven't even learned about any of this!

Saggy: *organizing a revolution*

Aquarius: PLUTO! YES! THE HORSEHEAD NEBULA!

Pisces: Ooh, I know this one! Fish food is 34% ricotta cheese...

Taurus: *still eating chips*

Gemini: *writing* The boston tea party... was an event... that took place... during the late 1300s...

Cancer: I don't know any of these!!! *Hyperventilating*

Scorpio: *burning holes in the test with her eyes*

Capricorn: *bored and staring out the window*

Aries: *staring out the window like there's a cheat sheet out there*

Leo: AHHHHH ZABENYAAAAA

Saggy: *working to undermine the school board*

Pisces: *has given up and is watching Charlie*

Aquarius: DRAGONS ARE REAL *falls asleep*

Cancer: I'm going to fail highschool and never get a job

Gemini: *writing* Actually... my cousin jane... Was at the boston tea party herself...

Libra: ...

Taurus: *still eating*

Saggy: *stabs her test with a knife* It had to die

Aries: This test is so hard anyways no one could ever finish it.

Virgo: *raises hand* Uh, miss? I'm done.

Aries: ...

Virgo: ...

Teacher: How even?

Leo: *points* AHHH SCORPIO'S PAPER CAUGHT ON FIRE

Scorpio: Success!

Saggy: YES SCORPIO VIVA LA REVOLUTION

Virgo: WHY IS THERE A FIRE???

Scorpio: Eh I was bored

Virgo: BAD SCORPIO BAD

Teacher: See you later suckers *runs out the door*

Aries: FIRE BWAHAHA

Taurus: *eating chips*

Gemini: *still writing* She said to me... that it could have used... a little more sugar...

Cancer: Why does there always end up being a fire?

Virgo: WELL IT ISN'T MY FAULT

Cancer: I never said it was...

Pisces: *hugs Cancer for no reason*

Leo: WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIEEEE

Saggy: *singing the french national anthem*

Capricorn: *Just watching everyone* idiots

Virgo: *dumping everyone's water bottles on the fire*

Leo: HEEELLLLPPPP

Aquarius: *wakes up* Ooh look a fire

Leo: SAVE ME AQUA

Aquarius: OK. *Pulls an eight foot super soaker out of his backpack and shoots the fire* *somehow misses*

Saggy: Excellent work, Aquarius! We shall call the people to arms! *Snatches the super soaker and puts out the fire*

All: ...

Gemini: *still writing* And that... is what happened... at the boston tea party... Done! *Looks up* Why is everyone standing around?

Taurus: I dunno *eating chips*