Anything&Everything

Feeling things

Something I realize more and more, is how much I love to judge myself for feeling things and having a "wrong" reaction to them. I am always like "you are supposed to be happy, this is a good thing, why is it making you uncomfortable? Why does it make you feel negative emotions? It's not right". Probably sounds crazy, but that's how my head works.

I am a perfectionist. It's hard for me, when things don't work out the way I imagined them to. It's hard for me to just let myself feel. Even if it's a negative emotion, it's still important. Means that there is something causing me to experience it and I shouldn't just shut it down or ignore it. I know that. But when it happens, the rational part of my brain turns off, and the inner critic wakes up and starts beating myself up for "not reacting how you are supposed to".

I shared some of these thoughts and feelings with my close friends yesterday. I never really talked about it with them in such detail but yesterday I just felt like it.

They were for sure shocked when I told them some stuff. Neither of them knew how much I judge myself. How scared I am of everything. How I cry almost every day. How lost I feel at times.

That also proves how little we know about people, even our close friends. And that means that we should be careful with people and their emotions. If they are acting a certain way, usually it means that there is something behind that behavior. It doesn't just come out of nowhere. Before judging and saying bad things to them, try to figure out what might be the matter. Listen, pay attention.

Just some random thoughts in my head tonight. Hope you all are doing good and I wish you a great productive week.

Love you,
Masha🧡