{set in the traphouse}
{Colby's POV}
Silence. Silence was all the brunette boy wanted. And here he was, in absolute silence, but really, he wasn't. Colby sat on the side of the pool, legs splashing in the water as they dangled them over the edge. It was dark. Pitch black to be exact. I mean, what else would you expect at 3am in the morning. It was also cold, that horrible bone chilling freeze that makes your joints ache. But Colby didn't care. Anything for some silence. He was sat outside at 3am in an empty backyard, completely alone, craving that all too good feeling of nothingness. But Colby would never feel nothingness. Whilst the surroundings were quiet, there was a violent storm thrashing around inside the boys head. A storm that never seemed to pass. It would never pass, and Colby knew that.
He didn't know what was happening to him. He didn't understand what made him this way. He went from a happy boy with a peaceful mind; to this. This... this insomniac, depressed, lovesick 22 year old. Lovesick with who you ask? That's the worst part. His best friend. Sam. And Colby could never tell him how he feels, simply because Sam isn't gay. He's a perfect guy who has his life together. And Colby didn't want to ruin that.
Colby has always struggled with his mental health, ever since high school. His thoughts have always been clouded with self doubt and anxiety. But he held it together. But it seemed as soon as he turned 22, everything came crashing down. He was suddenly fighting a battle in his own mind, and he didn't even understand why. Nothing triggered it, nothing made this happen. It's like someone pressed a button, and caused a storm of self hatred and anxiety flooded thoughts to swirl around in his aching brain. And he couldn't explain the feeling. The feeling of... well he didn't even know. You could describe it as feeling like your naked in a room of 100 people, and everyone is staring directly at you. Even if your fully clothed in a room of people who aren't even acknowledging your existence. That's what it feels like.
Colby squeezed his face together, tears building inside his grey eyes but he refused to let them fall. He bought his hands up to pull at his hair, grabbing strands of his brown locks and tugging as hard as he could. The storm was louder now, as thoughts clouded his mind and thrashed about. He could almost hear the wind whirling and the waves crashing against the rocks. Everything was loud, so so loud and Colby couldn't hear anything else. He couldn't hear the back door opening, and the footsteps rushing towards him. He jumped as gentle hands pressed on top of his, that were still tangled in his hair.
"Hey, don't do that, you'll hurt yourself."
Colby slowly released his grip, bringing his hands down to his lap. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking at who was sat next to him. Sam was staring at him, blonde hair messy as it lay across his forehead. His mouth was opened slightly, probably in shock. Well, he had just walked outside to see his best friend basically ripping the hair from his own scalp.
"What are you doing out here?" Sam asked, eyes finding Colby's and not moving. Colby was the one to break the eye contact, however. He moved his eyes down to his lap, as he fiddled with his hands. He couldn't bring himself to speak, so he simply shrugged his shoulders. The storm in his mind was less loud since he had been graced with the presence of the blonde boy, but it was still there. Thrashing about and filling his head with cruel lies.
"Why.. w-why were you doing that?" Sam asked nervously, desperately trying to get Colby to meet his eyes yet again. Sam could have sworn that his eyes were a light shade of grey, instead of the usual bright blue, but that could just be the fact it's pitch black out here.
Colby finally met sam's gentle eyes, staring into the blue orbs. "Too loud," Colby muttered.
"What was?" Sam asked.
Colby didn't answer, however. He just looked away from Sam and towards the pool. He stared at the water. To his despair, it was much too cold to get in. Colby liked the water, because underneath the surface, there was nothing. Silence.
"Why are you out here, Colbs?" Sam tried yet again.
"I-it's 3am and it's freezing."
"Felt like it, I guess," was the brunettes reply. Sam's eyes saddened again at the boys broken voice. Sam scooted closer to Colby, gently slipping his small hand on colby's bare arm. The brunette was out here in joggers and no shirt, which didn't make sense. It was cold enough out here to freeze, and you didn't get that a lot in LA. Sam flinched when his warm skin came in contact with Colby's arm.
The brunette was freezing, his arm as cold as an ice cube; and it panicked Sam.
"Colby, your freezing. Please, please come inside," Sam begged, his pleading tone tugging on colby's heart strings, but not enough to totally convince him.
"Like it out here."
Sam sighed, taking colby's larger hand in both of his. Colby looked down at their hands, the thrashing of the storm not as violent as before.
"What's wrong Colbs?" Sam asked, running his thumb across the skin of Colby's freezing hand. Colby hesitated for a quick second, unsure of how to proceed. "It's so loud, Sam."
Sam looked up at Colby.
"What is?" He asked, squeezing Colby's hand as if to encourage him to continue.
"My head," Colby answered. Sam's heart broke as tears swelled in his best friends eyes, and as they finally fell he reached up and wiped them away. Colby had been very vague, but Sam understood. Sam knew exactly what he meant.
"I.. I just want it to be quiet," colby sighed, head falling into his hands as he rubbed furiously at his tired eyes.
"I know," Sam said simply. The words had minimal effect on soothing the younger, but each time Sam let a sentence slip past his lips, the action helped the sun break through the storm clouds that were still chucking out wind and rain in the brunettes mind.
"Listen, lets go inside. It's cold out here, Colby. It's just making things worse," Sam pleaded desperately. He just wanted to get the boy warm and comfortable, his skin was like ice and he was worried he was going to start icing over like an ice cube. (I am now getting vivid images of Colby stuck in an ice cube sorry I'll go now). After some hesitation, Colby weakly nodded his head, allowing Sam to help him up on his shaky legs. Slowly, the two walked out the back yard, into the house, up the stairs and into Sam's room.
"You're sleeping with me," Sam decided. Colby, of course, didn't argue.
After getting Colby a dry pair of sweat pants (the old pair were wet from the pool water) and the thickest hoodie he could find; the two curled up in Sam's bed, blankets wrapped around them as tightly as possible. Sam had pulled Colby's shivering body into his chest as soon as the two had made it into the bed, and the brunette was sighing contently as Sam's hand ran through his hair. His scalp was still sore after having pulled so hard on his brown locks earlier, but Sam's gentle touch was soothing the pain immensely. Sam's other hand was running up and down Colby's back, the friction creating heat that the brunette was incredibly thankful for. And as he lay there, warm and content, the storm coursing through the youngers mind passed, just for now.
It's 11pm and I'm not tired because I accidentally had a 3 hour nap earlier on today. Accidentally being the prominent word. I hope you guys liked this. Mental health is obviously a very serious topic; and I think that by writing about it we're helping to spread awareness. I don't want anyone to feel like they're alone. My DM's on Instagram are always open, I'm there if anyone EVER wants to talk. 100%. Love you guys endlessly 💕💖💓
