{colbys pov}
"it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be fine."
The words tumbled out of the brunettes lips in a messy heap, just a mixture of words haphazardly thrown together to form some kind of sentence.
Blue eyes stared into the mirror, boring into the identical blue eyes of his reflection.
"It's no big deal."
Lies. So many lies were leaving Colby's mouth that morning, as he fixed his hair in the mirror for the millionth time.
"You don't need to be nervous," he muttered, hoping that somehow speaking the words he so wanted to believe would make them real.
Nerves swirled in his stomach; as he checked his teeth for any hidden particles of food that might be sticking around to make a fool out of him later.
Sighing, colby rested his hands on the bathroom countertop, muscles flexing as his head dropped. Deep breaths.
"It's gonna be fine."
His hands were shaking, there was no denying it. It was made painfully obvious as he fumbled to shove all his books in his school bag. His mum raised an eyebrow, noticed the quiver of her sons hand as he picked a memory stick out of his pocket and placed it safely in his pencil case.
"Everything okay?" She asked softly.
"Yes. Everything's fine."
Lies. More lies.
"It's your presentation today, isn't it?" She continued.
Colby winced at the word. His stomach churned, his palms began to sweat.
He just hummed in response.
His mum seemed to take the un-responsiveness of her son as a sign to stop, so she just continued stirring her coffee as the 16 year old brunette finally stopped fumbling with his bag and sat down at the kitchen table. He turned his nose up at the plate of toast his mum had made; god- he was far too nervous to even contemplate food. Instead, he reached for the small pill bottle they kept on the side of the table. Pills to stop nausea. They usually didn't help, but they kept his mind at rest at least. Colby's worst nightmare was throwing up in front of everyone; that'd be mortifying.
"You feeling sick?" His mum asked, as she watched her son chug down some water to swallow the pill with.
"I'm nervous..." colby muttered, chugging down some more water, hoping and praying it would settle his stomach.
His mum nodded. She knew her son. Colby's anxiety was paired with nausea, and although the boy never threw up, he always worried he would. She sighed as she watched the brunettes trembling hand screw the cap back onto the water, before he opened his bag; checking the little memory stick was still inside his pencil case.
"I bet everyone's just as nervous, honey."
Colby couldn't help but laugh, lightly- under his breath. Nobody ever got as nervous as colby. Ever.
"Hey bro!"
Colby jumped as Sam's hand slapped down on his shoulder. The touch wasn't harsh, but today was one of those days. Sam instantly retracted his hand, staring at the brunette for a second before raising an eyebrow.
"What's wrong?"
Colby ignored him, stopping outside his locker and fiddling with the lock. The blonde didn't miss the shake of the younger boys fingers as they pulled the locker door open, and he watched with confusion as his best friend tore open his bag, only to pull out his pencil case and take out a little memory stick.
"What's that?" Sam asked.
"What does it look like."
The blonde retracted slightly, taken aback by the harshness of his friends tone. The brunette sighed, leaning his head against the locker.
"Sorry... sorry, Sam."
The blonde smiled slightly, shuffling back towards his friend.
"It's my memory stick, for the presentation."
Ah. That's what this was about.
"Oh... Okay," sam nodded, leaning against the locker.
"You worried about it?" Sam asked.
"Aren't you?" Colby replied.
The blonde shrugged. Not really, he supposed. A little maybe; but not... not like Colby seemed to be.
"A bit, I suppose. But listen, it'll be fine okay," sam reassured. Colby laughed under his breath, turning to face sam; tears glazing his eyes.
"I can't... Sam."
The blonde shook his head. "Yes you can, it's gonna be fine col-"
"I feel sick."
Sam blinked. "Like... you're gonna throw up?"
"Hope not," colby mumbled.
"Do you-"
The bell rang, the shrill ringing piercing through Sam's voice; and Colby turned and started walking towards class. Sam followed.
"Thanks for listening."
The class clapped, and the blonde smiled slightly before returning to his seat next to colby.
"See. Not that bad," he promised. Colby was staring at the table, fiddling with the memory stick in his hands over and over. He'd sat and watched everyone else, including Sam, stand up in front of the class and recite their presentation, completely fine. Some even cracked jokes. It was so, so unfair. The brunette wanted nothing more than to be so.. so.. carefree, and not give a damn what people thought. But colby did care. He cared so fucking much about everything and it was always, always gonna be that way. His stomach turned uneasily as the teachers eyes landed on him.
"Colby. Your turn."
He felt sam gently nudge his shoulder.
"You can do this. It'll be over before you know it."
Colby wanted to believe him, he wanted to believe him so much. His legs felt like jelly as he walked unsteadily up to the front of the class. His shaky hands quickly plugged the memory stick into the teachers computer, and his presentation popped up on the screen. Taking a deep breath, he turned to the class; and looked out at his fellow students.
No, no big mistake. As soon as he took in the amount of people there, watching him, his stomach rolled. Saliva gathered in his mouth. Oh no, no no no. Not now. Now now.
He desperately searched for sam, connecting their eyes, but even the reassuring nod of his best friend couldn't help him. His throat was tightening; god- was it hard to breathe in here? His back was sweaty, ew- he could feel his t-shirt sticking to him.
"Uh..."
Great. He couldn't even form words. His stomach flipped.
"Take your time, Brock!"
And that's all it took. That one, sarcastic comment from the back of the classroom is all it took to have Colby bolting it out of that classroom and towards the bathroom. He shoved the door open, dropping to his knees at the first cubicle he could get to; and waited. He waited for that disgusting vomit to rise up and out of his mouth; but it never came. Groaning, he pushed back from the toilet, pulling his knees to his chest.
"Colby?"
Sam. Sam was here. Colby's chest loosened a little. It didn't take long until he felt the familiar presence of his best friend beside him.
"Did you throw up?"
Colby shook his head, pressing his face into his knees.
"It's okay.."
"It's not, Sam. It's not."
The blonde stopped talking, shrinking back a little as colby continued.
"I am so... so done with being like this. I don't want to be afraid forever. It's not fair, it's so so unfair, Sam. Look at everyone else, the way they talk... the way they talk without even thinking about what they're gonna say. I could never do that.. ever!"
The brunette took a deep breath.
"I don't want to be like this forever."
Sam's heart hurt, tears stinging his eyes as he looked at his best friend. He sucked in a breath.
"Look at me."
Colby turned his head to stare at his best friend, eyes red from unshed tears.
"No. You're not like everyone else. Why would you want to be? You're... you. You're Colby Brock. And believe me, you're not alone.. okay. You are not the only person who feels like this, I did once too. But, you have to realise that.. life is too short to care what other people think of you," sam spoke gently.
Colby was staring at him, lips turning into a slight smirk.
"Cringe."
"Shut up! I was trying to be nice!" Sam whined, shoving his friend. Colby laughed, chest loosening.
When the giggles ceased, sam stood up, holding a hand out to colby. The brunette took it, allowing sam to hall him up... pick him up off the floor; just like he always did.
"You're gonna be fine, Colbs."
Colby nodded, leaning forward to engulf sam in a tight hug.
And as he stood there, breathing in the scent of Sam Golbach, his best friend, something finally settled down in his chest, the breath was coming in and out with ease; his stomach stopped churning. He held Sam back tightly, letting out a deep breath.
"Yes. I am."
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i've never explored colby's anxiety before so thought i'd start now lmao
+ thank you for all the love 🥺
