{set in the old traphouse}
"Sam! Sam wake up please!"
"Sam! Can you hear us"
"Call an ambulance"
"Sam!"
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Sam Golbach had always been slim. His wrists had always been bony and his stomach had always been flat. And that was fine by him. He was happy with his body, content. Until that one comment on his YouTube video changed his perspective.
"sam's gained some weight"
That was all it was. One simple observation that sent him completely off the rails. The thing was, the comment didn't really bother him. He'd stood up, walked to the mirror and looked at himself, coming to the conclusion that he had gained some weight. It wasn't a lot, he didn't really mind. He decided to just workout some more, try eat healthier.
And so he did. It was perfectly normal. Just going to the gym twice a week, not eating as much fast food as he had done before, steering clear of fizzy drinks as well as he could. But the thing was, he wasn't noticing a difference. Every time he looked in the mirror, he couldn't see a difference. If anything, he was gaining weight, instead of losing it. So he decided to start working out once every two days, instead of twice a week. He didn't really change his eating habits to begin with, maybe cutting down on the sugary foods, but if he was hungry, he'd have a snack. It again, was not unhealthy behaviour. Yet.
But the thing was, it wasn't working. Or, that's the way sam saw it. Every time he looked in the mirror, he just saw more and more weight piling on top of his body. He decided it was time to properly diet. He'd only eat the 3 meals of the day; breakfast, lunch and dinner. He'd come to the conclusion that it was the pizza rolls or the packets of crisps that he was eating in-between meals which was causing the weight gain. He was adamant to lose this weight. Just the few pounds that fan had noticed he'd gained. That was all. That's all he'd do.
After a few weeks of doing this, Sam saw no change. He was still not losing any weight, no matter how many times he declined invitations to McDonald's, or how many times he cancelled plans to go and work out. He stood in front of the mirror, sighing heavily as he stared at his reflection. Right. Things really had to change now. He decided he'd start skipping breakfast. Sometimes that was his most calorie full meal, as the only thing in the house most of the time was pop tarts or pancake mix. And he'd start working out daily, just to try and burn those few extra calories. It'd all be worth it in the end, he told himself. He was sure of it.
And after that, Sam didn't register the changes anymore. Somewhere along the line, lunch got bumped off the list of times he was allowed to eat. And at some point, Sam decided it would be a good idea to only eat half of his dinner. He didn't know why, he just thought it was a good idea at the time. His workout times got longer, but Sam felt weak. He told himself that was a good thing. He was pushing himself to the limit, that was good. Right? He didn't notice the rate at which his weight was decreasing. He didn't notice his bones poking against his skin, and the bags appearing under his eyes. He didn't even register he could have a problem, until one night. One night when he was sticking his fingers down his throat and emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet. He'd just told himself that it was because his dinner had lots of calories in, he had to get rid of it. But as he sat shaking on the bathroom floor, it dawned on him what he'd done. He'd made himself throw up... he did that. But he'd pushed all those things he'd read on anorexia and eating disorders out his head. He was fine. This was fine. He was okay.
"Woah. Sams lost of lot of weight"
Sams eyes read the comment, lips curling into a smile. Finally, people were starting to notice. He must be losing some weight then. It made him glow with pride, the fact he was finally doing what he'd set out to do all those months ago. He was finally losing the weight that fan had noticed. As soon as it was gone, he promised himself he'd go back to normal.
But Sam was oblivious. Oblivious of the way his clothes hung off his frame, how his ribs pushed harshly against his pale skin. Oblivious of the fact that he had barely any weight left to lose. Sam wasn't fine. He wasn't okay, but he didn't see that.
