The Veil

Chapter Twenty-Four

"Me?" He questioned, his tone had changed and it made me look up at him, I couldn't read his expression. 

I nodded, "Whenever you had a girl over, or when I used to think about you and I couldn't make myself stop, I'd go to the bar, and, um, Ro would distract me for a little bit." I blushed, it was embarrassing said out loud, it sounded so pathetic. 

Tom didn't respond and I couldn't tell what he was thinking, I started to get even more embarrassed.

"Ok forget I said anything." I jumped up from the porch swing, Sky following me without a command. 

I darted in the front door, not bothering to shut it. 

"Lily, wait." He grabbed my wrist before I'd made it to the end of the hallway and pulled me around to face him. 

"I know, it's pathetic ok, can we just drop it." He pulled me against him, and I was grateful to be able to hide my face in his chest. 

"That's what I was doing." He said into my hair. 

"What?" I asked, shocked. 

I didn't move my head from his chest though, still too embarrassed to move. 

"The girls, I was stopping myself thinking about you for a few hours." He shook his head, my hair catching in his growing beard. 

"We're so fucked up." I mumbled into his chest. 

He laughed and kissed the top of my head, "I suppose we are." 

I dropped onto Tom's bed, he'd stayed downstairs to make himself something to eat, but I was so exhausted. 

I'd changed into a pair of his flannel pyjama pants and one of my t-shirts with tiny dinosaurs printed all over it. 

I picked up my book from his bedside table, I'd been finding it harder and harder to read it as the fourth book had gotten incredibly sad. 

As I read about how the main character felt broken after he'd hurt his love beyond what he thought he could repair, I put the book down in front of me, I had to cover my face as I cried into my hands. 

I heard Tom's door opening and I jumped, looking towards him. 

The smile dropped from his face immidiatley and he rushed over to me, "What's wrong, what happened?" He dumped himself next to me on the bed and pulled me onto his lap. 

I had to laugh at myself, "I'm sorry, it's nothing, just my book." I looked up at him, tears mixed with my smile I could see the relief on his face straight away and he laughed a little bit too. 

He reached up and wiped the tears from under my eyes, "What happened?"   

I picked the book back up and handed it to him so he could read it. 

I pointed to the line that started the tears, "'She fixed me: she glued the tiny fragments of my fukced-up soul into something imposible, something almost attractive even. She made me into something-she made me normal almost-but with each drop of glue she used on me, she lost that drop of herself, and me being the piece of shit I am, didn't have anything to offer her. Everyhting that I feared would happen has happened, and no matter how much I tried to prevent it, I see now that I made it worse. I changed her and ruined her, just the way I promised I would all those months ago." He read aloud, his voice bringing the words to life in a way my brain couldn't. 

Another tear slipped down my cheek and he laughed again before putting the book back down, keeping my place. 

"I guess I need some context before it upsets me that much." He kissed my nose, making me smile up at him.