The Veil

Chapter Fifty-Two

I'd been reading for a while, my head in Tom's lap, he was watching some car show on TV, he'd been absorbed and it was hard to concentrate on my book at first, he was so distractingly beautiful that I couldn't help stopping every few sentences to stare up at him.

"Stop it." He'd mumbled a few times, catching me even without looking down at me. 

I'd giggle and try to read again. 

I'd finally managed to get sucked in, when a random thought had popped into my head, I put my book down on my chest and looked back up at him, a frown on my face.

"What are you looking at now?" Tom sighed, he watched the TV for a few seconds longer but then looked down at me, he raised an eyebrow waiting for me to say what was on my mind. 

"Do you ever get sad that I don't wear dresses everyday?" I asked, curiosity clear in my voice. 

Tom bit his lip, he was clearly trying not to laugh, "What?" He asked.

"All these books I've been reading recently, all these girls are wearing dresses all the time, even in winter, like Jade. They're always these tight fitting ones too, and they do their hair and make-up and stuff. Does it make you sad you have a girlfriend that doesn't do that?" It wasn't that I was feeling insecure. 

OK I totally was, all I wore was jeans and t-shirts, baggy hoodies. 

The last time I wore a dress was our date ages ago. 

I'd wear shorts in the height of summer if it managed to reach high temperatures, but I never made an effort day to day. 

Tom burst out laughing, unable to hold it in anymore. 

I slapped his chest, my cheeks heating up.

"It's not funny Tom, I'm serious." I couldn't help giggling though. 

"Of course I don't give a fuck about you wearing dresses Lily, why would I? Have you looked in a mirror recently?" The way he looked at me right then did make me feel sexy, even if I was wearing an old baseball Jersey and leggings. 

He stroked his hand down my jaw and smiled down at me. "You're one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen, with or without a dress." He leaned down and kissed me. 

It was an awkward position for him to kiss me in, so I threw my book onto the coffee table and pushed his chest up, moving myself to straddle him. 

"You're the best." I smiled down at him, my forehead against his. 

"I know." He laughed back, taking me by surprise and moving his hands to tickle me. 

I tried to squirm away, laughing until my breath got stuck in my throat.

I would give anything for my breath to be stuck in my throat because of Tom tickling me, but I was on the cold hard ground, snow falling around me, a gun had just been shot, and that's why I couldn't breathe. 

My brain was trying to protect itself by providing memories of my favourite times.

"You think I'm joking about this Lillian, MOVE" he screamed and dragged me up by my elbow, propelling me forwards again, he'd fired into the air, but the way my body felt, felt like the bullet had hit me.

I stumbled and staggered the way he was pulling me, still fighting to get air back into my lungs. 

I'd not had a panic attack for a long while, but I knew that was what was happening.