The Veil

Chapter Forty-four

"Jade was so excited, Andrew said they both cried when they heard it." I smiled at Tom, I was leaning against the bonnet of a car he'd given up on for the evening, watching him take his overalls off. 

He'd had to work later than he was supposed to, and it was now dark outside, we wouldn't get to the city until ten at the earliest.

The garage was freezing and I saw goosebumps rise on his tattooed arms as he stepped out of the grease covered overalls.

"And it didn't change Andrew's mind about finding out the sex?" He asked, walking to move heavy equipment about, it looked like complicated things that I could never possibly understand. 

"Nope, he's still set on it being a surprise." I shook my head.

"Weird, I'd never be able to handle the suspense. It'd drive me insane." He shook his head, throwing a tyre to the side with ease. 

"Ok can we go now?" I rolled my eyes at him, shivering standing still. 

"I'm coming, jeez." He rolled his eyes back at me and I stuck my tongue out at him. "Did you hear the Ice roads are already open?" He asked as he switched the big florescent lights off, plunging us into darkness. 

I felt him grab my hand and lead me to the door.  

"It's months before the season starts?" I questioned, confused. 

"I know, but apparently they've been open for days, it's so much colder this year than it has been in a long time." He said, unlocking his car. 

"Um, I am NOT taking a trip more than ten miles in your car Tom." I stood still and raised my brow at him, he'd not had it back long from fixing it. 

"It can get a lot more shit in it than the wrangler, and I've got it working perfectly, it's like new." He exclaimed, gesturing to his car. 

"I'm going to die." I grumbled as I went to grab Sky and my bag from the wrangler. 

"It runs great now, promise!" He chuckled. 

"And if you're mentioning ice roads, that means you're wanting us to take them tonight?" I asked as I opened the door and clicked for Sky to jump out.

"It'll save us an hour." He said, moving his seat for Sky to jump in. 

"Oh yeah, until you break down on the ice, we fall through and die in the worst way possible, perfect." I moaned, throwing my bag in his trunk. 

"Would you have some faith." He smiled at me as we climbed into the car. 

"Yeah I'll have faith when we make it there alive." I buckled myself in with exaggerated movements, causing him to laugh. 

Surprisingly we made it to the motel without a single problem from his car. 

The ice roads were open, but hadn't shaved much time off the journey as it started to snow after the last ice crossing, making us slow down. 

I was exhausted as I threw myself on the soft bed, bouncing slightly. 

Under the exhaustion I was absolutely terrified about having to go back to my parents house the following morning, to be faced with everything all over again. 

While I did think it might help, like Lindsay had said, I didn't know if it would make it worse first, being so close to home was already bringing back memories I didn't want to resurface, making me think more and more about my parents. 

I just hoped it would stop when we left in a few days, that selling the last thing that tied me to them here would make me lighter. 

I, however, felt guilty, like I was trying to forget them, I didn't want them to think I was trying to erase them, like I didn't love them, miss them everyday. 

It was confusing and conflicting, trying to stop the nightmares and the weird things I was seeing, trying to stop the painful memories and hurt I felt when I thought about them too much or too long. 

But also wanting to remember every single thing about them, my mom's hair tickling my face as she hugged me, how my dads eyes would almost disappear when he smiled at me, the sound of their laughs radiating through the walls of our warm house. Their bickering while cooking, dad had to do it all because mom could burn water if she tried, but mom insisted she could cook. 

The most important thing I never wanted to forget, but hurt to remember, the way I never once, not through the whole of my childhood, not a second of my teenage years, felt unloved. 

I never felt unsafe, I always felt like nothing could go wrong, I had the perfect life, the perfect parents and I was loved. 

I was loved now, I was loved by a whole town, and I loved them. 

And I had Tom, who was so perfect it was hard to put into words, but always at the back of my mind, I just wished I could have my parents too. 

I couldn't wish for my old life back, I couldn't wish to go back in time because I couldn't live in a world where I didn't have Tom, Jade and Andrew, where I didn't know them and hadn't met them. 

I wanted a world, a time and place, where I could have everyone. 

I wanted my parents and I wanted my new family, and it broke my heart, hurt that turned to physical pain on those days I couldn't get out of bed, that I couldn't and wouldn't ever have that whole picture, that I'd never fully be able to breath properly again as something would always be missing. 

"Are you sure you want to go alone tomorrow?" Tom asked as he dumped himself on the bed next to me after dumping our stuff on the table and turning the heat up. 

"I'm sure, I need you here, I needed you for the drive but, I have to go to that house alone. I'm sorry." I moved myself to squish into the side of him, pushing my cold nose against his chest. 

"I understand, I just want to be sure. I'm worried about you." He sighed, squeezing me. 

I sighed too, "I know, but when are you not worried?" I asked, rolling my eyes even though he couldn't see. 

"Fuck you." He laughed.