The Veil

Chapter Thirty-Seven

"Can you just say something, please?" I almost begged as I sat on the floor, my back against our bedroom door.

"What exactly do you want me to say? You want me to lie to you and say everything is fine and start acting like nothing is wrong?" He asked sarcastically from the bed. 

He'd been laid there an hour staring at the ceiling while I sat on the floor holding back tears. 

"Ok I get it, I'm sorry! But why didn't you say something sooner?" I let my head drop back to rest on the door, exhausted. 

"Because I know you Lily, I know you need to pretend everything is fine and you want everyone to think you're ok. You need nobody to worry about you. So I left you to it, thinking you'd eventually ask for help. But you never would have, you're not going to and now you're making me lie to Jade too." He almost shouted, still not looking at me though. 

"Ok Tom. I should have said something, but you should have just said you knew I wasn't ok." My voice caught in my throat, verging on tears. 

I didn't want to cry but it was hard. We didn't fight, Tom was unselfishly kind to me, all the time. 

I'd been spoilt by it. 

He had a point, I couldn't deny it. 

I should have told him what was happening, I shouldn't have said the dreams had stopped and the tablets had worked. 

I already felt terrible for lying to him, but to find out he knew this whole time hurt in a way I couldn't quite understand. 

"Well why didn't you say anything?" He asked, sitting up in the bed and swinging his legs over the edge, resting his elbows on his knees. 

I looked into his eyes, they were still angry but I could see the curiosity burning in them too. 

I couldn't stop the tears spilling over and I looked down at my knees. "I'm scared Tom. I don't know what's happening and I hate it. I can't tell you something is wrong when I don't even know what is wrong." I swiped angrily at the tears. 

"I know you're scared, I can see it and it's killing me knowing you're scared. But why can't you just tell me that without all this drama, why can't you open up to me?" He questioned, his voice not as angry as before, more sad now.

And his question was a valid one, why couldn't I open up about this, he knew everything else, I told him before, before I went to the doctors. 

I knew deep down it wasn't totally about not wanting him to worry though. 

"I don't know." I said, I was unable to hold back the sob then, I felt it rip through my chest. 

"Shit." He sighed and I saw his feet move in front of me. 

I looked up and he held his hands out for me to grab. I debated being petty and refusing just to spite him, but I was being stupid. 

I reached up and grabbed his hands, he pulled me to my feet and wrapped me in his arms in one motion. 

He pulled me over to the bed, he laid us down gently and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

I breathed him in, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist. 

We laid like this for an unmeasurable amount of time, I cried softly into his chest and he let me. 

"I'm sorry." I finally whispered.

"I'm an asshole, I'm worried for you and I'm taking it out on you." He whispered back.

"Can we just not argue anymore. I hate it." I buried my face further into his chest, like he could make everything go away.