The Pretenders

You love yourself better

I took my jacket and ran down the stairs cause i thought it’d be faster.

I stayed quiet for a moment on the lobby just in case i have gotten there first but who was i fooling.

He was drunk? How far can he get?

I ran outside for a few blocks in direction to his house, and i saw him stumbling with the people walking.

'Alex wait!' i screamed

My lungs were begging for mercy.

He turned around, looked at me and kept walking.

'Alex come on!' i grabbed his arm and he turned around to face me.

The people that was passing by looked at us.

'What Jessica. What do you want?' he said bored

I inhaled and looked into his eyes. They weren’t sparkly anymore. They were dark, and full of anger.

'Alex please can i come with you? I'm worried ab…' he interrupted me.

'Now you are worried about me? Because someone pointed a problem that isn't there?' he pulled his jacket off, he was sweating for anxiety.

'I don't know if there's a fucking problem with you. People are full of them'

It started raining faster than everyone thought.

He looked into my eyes and got closer. ‘I’m a big boy. I don’t need to be taken care of’ he sighed

'I can't take care of you' it was true

He was smiling. ‘Then why are you here?’

It got me. I didn’t know the answer to that. I remain silent.

'You are drunk and alone, and i don't want you to die'

He laughed this time. A genuine laugh, i could even see his teeth. 

He placed his jacket over my head so i wouldn’t get soaked in water.

And then automatically he looked so devastated.  As if he had been hit very hard.

'Alex what was that back at the party?' i got closer 'What did Evan meant?'

He was staring at his feet. He took a deep breath.

'Six months ago i got drunk' he said 'I got into a fight with a guy at a bar, and i almost killed him, i just got some scratches and some bruises. But i put the guy into a coma' his eyes got full of tears and it was getting difficult for him to speak 'My girlfriend at the time dumped me, she said she was afraid of me. We got kicked out of our record company, and my parents kicked me out and took all the money out of my bank account. At least the part that was meant to be mine' 

I didn’t knew what to say. My thoughts were flying everywhere. I had to say something, but i could not sound afraid or ashamed of him.

'So are you saying you are broke?' i asked.

'Yes, kinda' he wiped his tears away so i didn't see him.

I felt a knot in my throat. ‘You know that doesn’t define you. You didn’t kill anybody it wasn’t your fault’

I admit i was overwhelmed. We both were. But what was i suppose to do? I couldn’t let myself run away and leave him alone like that. Just because he lost control once doesn’t mean he is a murderer. 

'Alex come on' i hugged him.

He pushed me away gently.

'Don't you dare to act like you fucking care because you don't' he looked me in the eye 'You don't  know me'