Never Letting Go / Solby

33

colby's pov
(wednesday afternoon-night)
"brennen? your friend, brennen? raped sam?" my mom gasped. sam was stood next to me, his hand clinging onto mine. he winced at the sentence.
"not my friend," i spat, my mom understanding.
"are you ok, sweetheart? i know it's not a nice experience at all. i'm so sorry," she put her hands on his shoulders and he flinched, then nodded. she pulled him into a hug and he leant into it, her rubbing his back.
"you two run along now," she smiled sadly. i nodded and took sam's hand, leading him upstairs. i took him into the bedroom and he sat down on the end of my bed, looking purely emotionless. that scared me. the sam i knew was so full of joy, emotion and love. after today, he was none of that.
"sam," i said softly, bringing my desk chair to sit in front of him. he lifted his head dully and something happened in his eyes when he looked at me, something that looked something other than lifeless. that was a good sign.
"i love you. so, so much. you are so gorgeous, so kind, so caring, so loving, so lively - so perfect. brennen doing one thing to you does not define you, ok? i just want to let you know that i love you no matter what happens, and you shouldn't let him affect your life and who you are. seeing you like this; so emotionless and sad, it makes me feel horrible. it hurts to see you so upset and not yourself. i want to do everything i can to make you happy again. is there anything i could do for you, to even attempt to make you happy?" i took his hands in my own and he smiled, the first time i'd seen it today.
"i love you more. and honestly, not really. i need time to get my head around things and to, ya know, talk about it. can we talk about how it's making me feel?" he explained.
"yes, of course, you don't need to ask to speak to me about your feelings baby," i kissed his forehead softly and sat on the bed with him. i laid down at the other end, with the pillows.
"is it ok if you sleep on that side?" he frowned, pointing at the side where everything happened.
"of course," i shuffled over. i'd put the bedsheets in the wash and had different ones on, just so it didn't remind sam of everything. he laid next to me and smiled at me, everything coming back to his eyes.
"so, how does it make you feel, baby?" i asked, putting my hand on his soft face.
"well.. at first it made me feel dirty. like, i'd just let an actual piece of scum touch me - only places where you and i can. and then afterwards i just felt pathetic, why didn't i stop him? then i felt weak - why didn't i just push him off? then i felt - feel - worthless. why didn't i just call you? i could've prevented all of this by just calling you," he explained, frowning.
"all of these feelings are understandable, and i'm gonna walk you through it all, ok? we talked about you feeling dirty. that's understandable, and we showered, and you spoke to me about it in the shower. feeling pathetic because you didn't stop him - it's ok to feel like that, but just know it's incredibly difficult to stop someone from doing things to you. weak - he's strong, and that made it a lot more difficult than it already was. feeling worthless? you're not worthless in the slightest, i will promise you that. you mean everything to me, my mom and gage. it would kill us to lose you, it would kill us for you to change. i love you, so much," i kissed him gently and reassuringly, wanting to make him feel as loved as possible.
"thank you," he smiled weakly with tears in his eyes.
"d'you wanna snuggle and watch a movie?" i asked with a warm smile. he nodded with a giggle and i put my arm out for him to lay in, and i held him tightly.

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i'm like 90% sure this is a triple update, merry christmas fuckers