Hope ~Yato x Reader AU~

Chapter 18: Strings

Wow...I'm a fucking idiot. I think as I stand and watch the ocean sway back and forth. After Yato left the other day, I've been left to myself, allowing for me to think...and think...and think. And after all this thinking and self-reflecting, I've come to one conclusion; I am a fucking moron.

I mean, I had thought that...that Yato wanted to...I had been stupid. Stupid and most likely desperate. After all, maybe I don't really have those kinds of feelings for Yato. Maybe I really do just see him strictly as a friend, but all this loneliness is clouding my intentions and actions. Yeah, that's it. That has to be it.

That's what I tell myself, but the truth is so different. In the end, despite how many times I try to convince myself of otherwise, my feelings for Yato have grown beyond platonic intentions. In the end, despite how much I fought it, I've developed an intimate craving and longing for the god Yato and that in itself sounds ridiculous. I mean, my heart still belongs to Kaito. Even now...as I stand here, the salty breeze combing through my hair, my heart flutters at the mere thought of my first love. After all, he's my first love. That's not an empty title.

However, as the image of Yato's face manifests in my mind, my heart races. Just like it does for Kaito, it flutters. It flutters and knocks at my ribs, working its best to make me breathless.

In all my life, I never imagined being in this predicament...struggling with fighting my emotions as I remain hopelessly fixated on my first love while simultaneously my heart runs to another. I've read plenty of books and seen more than enough movies to know how this will end; with someone hurt.

But I guess I shouldn't worry too much. After all, even if this was a vicious love triangle in my head, it is a figment because, in the end, Kaito is out of the equation. He's engaged. He's engaged and set to be married to another woman. That's the reality and it's that reality that causes a twinge to pull at me. All the things and plans we made...they were all for not.

Now, that said, that leaves Yato, but I feel I'll be the one left empty-handed there. After his reaction the other day...there's no way he could ever want me. Even if I was a demigod, I doubt he'd want me. I'm almost certain that, much like me, his heart is still occupied on one person.

"I wish I knew what happened between them," I whisper to myself.

I know so little about Yato and Hiyori's past. All I do know is that, after an incident, the two's paths intertwined until Yato cut ties with her. My throat goes dry. Cutting ties. I don't know all of what that implies, but I do know it would involve me forgetting Yato and that is not something I want to do. Seeing him...talking to him...feeling him...I'd miss it all too much. Just thinking about saying farewell to Yato makes my heart hurt. I can't even fathom not having him in my life anymore. It...it hurts to even consider.

Another gust blows past me as the waves crash against the rocks. There is a storm brewing in the distance -I can see it. The gray clouds hang low, the thunder echoing off the surface of the sea. It looks sinister in a sense. Then again, maybe it just appears that way because I'm lost in myself. These conflicting emotions have me scrambling in my head. So, maybe a good storm will help to cleanse my thoughts.

"Y/N?"

My heart skips a beat. No. Not that voice...not now. Not when I'm already confused enough.

"Y/N, I thought I'd find you here. Can we please talk? I feel like we left off on the wrong foot."

I don't want to think about that. I don't want to think about him...or you. I don't want to think about anything. I just don't want to think.

"Y/N, please turn around and look at me. I...I really need to talk to you. Please, Y/N."

I shouldn't, but I turn, my eyes colliding with a set of onyx orbs. And at that, my breath hitches.

Kaito.

**Ello lovelies! Shorter chapter today. Figured I'd leave it here and pick up in the next chapter. Hope y'all are ready for that. Plus, I've still been struggling with writing lately. My mind has just been everywhere. It'll get a little easier after the holidays. Anyway, thank you so much for everything! Y'all are the real MVPs! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross