Hope ~Yato x Reader AU~

Chapter 23: To Oneself

The Paxton Free Young Award.

The Grammy's of the medical world. The award ceremony that attracts surgeons and researchers from all over the globe. A night of elegance and grace and recognition and sophistication. A night filled with the best of the best and highest of elites, all at the top of their specialties. A night where not just the most talented in their fields are praised, but the boldest as well. A night that is just a week away.

Seven days.

One hundred and sixty-eight hours. That's all that remains between now and then. That's all I have between me and this decision. Well, technically I have less time than that. If I am to go to this award, then I need to make that decision sooner rather than later. However, I'm not quite sure if I want to go or not, though Mr. Sui and Hiyori's words still linger in my head.

That they're my parents. That regardless of the past and all the hardships I went through, whether brought on by my own stupidity or their strictness, they still love me...that they still miss me...that I'm still their daughter and them my parents. That they'd be thrilled to see me...but I find that all difficult to believe. I find that difficult to believe because my parents are not like most. Appearance and reputation are all they have cared about. So, I doubt they truly miss me...the failure and disgrace of a daughter of theirs.

Frustrated, I run my fingers through my hair and let out a grunt of annoyance. A mixture of emotions is rolling through my mind. So many emotions moving so quickly, all leaving me confused. Should I go? Should I not? Will they care? Will they not? I honestly don't know. All I know is that I am swimming in a sea of confusion in my head.

However, as I begin to slip into my thoughts, I am brought back to reality by the sound of feet scuffing along my carpet. Startled, I glimpse up to see Kaito. He is standing in the doorway, leaning his shoulder against the doorframe as his hands remain shoved into his jean pockets. His thick, inky locks are messy and disheveled, each sable strand framing his smooth features perfectly. All the while, those deep obsidian eyes lock on mine, hitching my breath.

"So, have you made a decision yet?" he asks quietly, making his way to me.

He takes a seat next to me, pulling my legs on his lap, his fingers gliding along my bare shins gingerly. His touch and eyes are both so soft and gentle, his body heat pulsating against me. Even though my mind is clouded with so much debate, a patch of clarity materializes whenever I'm around him.

"Well?" he presses. "Are you going to go?"

I shrug, "Honestly, I'm not sure."

He tilts his head to the side, flashing me a sadden expression as he continues, "Can I say something?"

"Yeah," I sigh.

He takes my hands into his, encasing my small ones with his large ones. My hands are so small compared to his. So small and almost childish to a degree. It almost amazes me. Just seeing them makes me wonder what could have been and that, in turn, saddens my heart.

"You should go," he says, bringing me back to reality.

I knit my brows in curiosity. "Wait...you think I should go? Like, for real?"

His thumbs run smoothly along on my skin. "To be honest, yes. I think you should go."

"But why? After everything I told you -after everything they put me...us through -you think I should go?" I press.

Honestly, I'm baffled. I'm baffled and I'm confused. Of all people, why would he encourage this? Why would he want me to go? It makes no sense. After what I told him, I know he feels just as indifferent about them as much as I do. At least, I thought he'd feel that way.

"Hold on. Let me finish," he instructs, his voice deep and soothing. "Go to the ceremony but do it for you." He must take note of my confusion because he adds, "Go and prove to them how much better off you're doing. Go and show them that you don't have to do things their way to do good for yourself. Go and, metaphorically, not literally, give them the bird because you're here. You're making it without them. You're strong."

My heart flutters as our eyes bore into each other. Sincerity brims from his stare, warming me from the inside out. The words he just said...he believes them. More importantly, he means them. He is being genuine. All this reminds me even more of why I ever fell for him before. This person -this man- makes me happy.

I shake my head. "What if I can't? What if I can't face them? What if they still see me as some failure?"

"So what?" he snorts. "The last I checked, you're no failure. You're strong and stubborn and individualistic. You are you and I love you for that. And that alone is why you should go."

"But isn't that wrong?" I laugh.

He lifts a brow. "After what they put you through, you're worried about this being wrong?"

Touché. He has a point. I went through hell back then. What they made me do...after the emotional trauma, they forced me to endure, me showing up at the Paxton Free Young Award to give a simple -and metaphorical- 'fuck you' to them would pale in comparison to what hell I faced. But even with that justification, I still hesitate. That just doesn't seem right to me.

"I don't know," I breathe. "The Paxton Free Young...that's my mom's dream. She's talked about that award for as long as I can remember. I...I don't want to ruin that for her. That's...that's not something I want to do."

I can feel him observing me before he swallows, "I understand...but you should still go. If not to prove them wrong, then..."

Don't say it. Please don't say it. I've already heard Mr. Sui and Hiyori say it. 'Because they're my parents'...and I don't want nor need to hear this. Not again. Right now, I need something else.

He breathes, "Then to get closure."

**Hello my precious lovelies! Anyone else still finding it crazy that it's 2020 or is it just me? Like, my brain is still adjusting lol. Anyway, looks like Kaito is still in the picture. Guess that's good, huh? We'll find out! As always, thank you so, so, SOOOO much for everything! Y'all are the cat's whiskers! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross