Hope ~Yato x Reader AU~

Chapter 20: Waking Up In Sunshine

Guidance.

That's what I need right about now. There's so much swirling and twirling through my mind that is mixing and blending together. Ration and emotions are becoming one, making it difficult to decipher where one ends and the other begins. Beliefs and desires have collided, blurring the lines between what's right and wrong. Everything is just one giant mess and it's a messy mess.

I glimpse over my shoulder, watching as a sleeping Kaito remains lost in his dreams, the soft snores rolling from his lips. His thick, black locks brush against his skin as his long lashes dust over his cheeks. His back is bare and visible to me as his lower region remains hidden beneath my comforter.

What we did...we've done it before. We've done it several times before, but those times were different. We were young...even younger than we are now. There were fewer responsibilities and complications. We were a couple. There was no arranged marriage interfering nor conflicting feelings. There were just the two of us and all the possibilities of the future. Now, however, I am confused.

I tighten my robe around myself and leave my room, making my way downstairs, all the while I fight myself. We made love -Kaito and I- we made love. There was passion and depth and a fire that ran across my skin every time he touched me just like there was all those years ago, but now something else lingers in the back of my skull. It's a feeling I hate feeling. It's not fun and only weighs heavily on my heart, but it's there.

Guilt.

I should feel guilty sleeping with an engaged man, but if what Kaito told me is true, then that engagement is meaningless to him and his future bride. Neither wants this marriage to happen...that's what he told me. And honestly, I believe him. Kaito is not one to fabricate tall tales like this one. After all, he can't lie. He always scrunches his nose and glances to the left when he does, which was why no one ever trusted him with the responsibility of hosting a surprise party.

The corners of my lips pull upward as I think back to the one time he was entrusted with guiding me to a surprise birthday party my friends were throwing for me when we were younger. He was stumbling over his words, glimpsing left over and over, the wrinkles in his nose telling me there was more in store than a simple date. And thinking back to that makes me feel an array of emotions.

Things back then were so simple and easy. Well, to a degree. My parents were still my parents but having Kaito and my friends did bring some fresh air into my life. However, those sweet simplicities were soon dashed away. Life became very difficult and complicated following a siege of events.

I slide into a chair at the kitchen table, resting my chin on my laced fingers. In all this time, I never imagined I'd ever see Kaito again, let alone spend a night like last night with him. I never thought I'd be able to see...kiss...or touch him again, but last night proved those beliefs wrong. Not only did I get to do all those things, but we made love. We made love.

It feels crazy to think that. After all this time of being alone, I spent the night with my first love. And that's when a new wave of guilt washes over me. Yato. His name lingers in my thoughts. My heart drops at picturing him, remembering how he slept soundly in the very same bed Kaito and I had done those things in, imagining his reaction if he found out. Of course, it's not like that matters. In the end, Yato and I are nothing -we never have been. If anything, we're friends. Friends at best.

Fighting my internal hell, I let out a hardy breath when I hear a groggy voice yawn, "Good morning."

Startled, I jump up, my eyes colliding with the beautiful obsidian orbs that I've seen a million times. Kaito is standing before me, his pants hanging from his narrow hips perfectly as the dim golden hues glide over his torso, dipping, and diving into the valleys of his muscles. His chest rises and falls with each breath he draws, his raven locks disheveled and messy as they frame his winsome face. My heart races.

"Did you sleep well?" he continues, flashing me a soft smile as he slides into the seat across from me.

Heart leaping into my throat, I nod, "G-good morning. Yes, I did. How about you?"

"Like a baby," he chuckles.

I just smile. I forgot that he was like this. I forgot that he was this...innocent and pure, despite the things we did. In a world full of fake attitudes and corrupt morals, Kaito is a kind and sweet spirit. He is gentle and soft, which leaves me feeling dirty. My corruption...my lies and secrets...they are so dirty and filthy compared to him. They are dark and horrid, and because of that, I don't want to disrupt his purity.

I can burden and shoulder my flaws alone.

"So, I was thinking that we could clean up and go grab breakfast somewhere," he suggests, leaning forward. "What do you say to that?"

I tilt my head to the side. "That sounds nice, but what about...well, what about the whole engagement thing?"

Kaito smiles softly, "I already told you; Rei and I don't want it. She and I have no desire to marry each other. Besides, as we speak, she's most likely spending time doing the very same thing with Hanna."

"That may be true," I say, fidgeting with my fingers. "But what if someone sees us?"

He lifts a brow, chortling, "What if someone sees us? What does that matter? It's not like I'm being followed by Rei's parents and even if I was, well, I'm sure I could think of something." He leans forward, resting his hands on mine, adding, "Y/N, I just found you after three years. I just found you after I lost you and I want to spend time with you. I've missed you so much."

My heart swells. He makes me feel so warm and content. Then again, I've always felt this way with him.

I smile, "Okay. I'll go shower and get dressed then."

I push up from my seat, Kaito and I both exchange smiles. I am about to shuttle off when I watch as his eyes drop to the table. He tilts his head, reaching for whatever it is that caught his attention. Curious, I glimpse over, my heart nearly dropping.

"Wow," he chortles. "It's been a while since I've seen this. I forgot what picture you put in her."

My eyes go wide. In his hand is the locket he had gotten me all those years ago. The locket where one of my deepest secrets hides.

"Wait," I panic, rushing to him.

I go to stop him but am too late. He has already opened the pendant, the smile on his face fading as his stare soaks up what hides within the locket. His mouth falls slightly agape, his eyes flickering up to me.

"What...what is this?" he asks in a shaky tone.

**Hello my beautiful lovelies! Hard to believe that we're just about halfway through this book (give or take) and already starting off the new year. Are y'all excited to see what 2020 holds? Did y'all enjoy your New Year Eve? Since the next ten years will be the 20s, I wanna bring back the Roaring 20s slang. I mean...I already try to do that, but now it shall increase! Mwhahaha! For an FYI, I am obsessed with that time period. No idea why, just am. Anyway, as for the story, any idea what'll happen? Will there be beans to spill? Stay tuned! Thank you oh, so freakin' much for everything! Y'all are the cat's pajamas! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross

P.S. "Pour Some Sugar On Me" by Def Leppard (I LOVE this song).