Hope ~Yato x Reader AU~

Chapter 19: Onyx

It's awkward.

To be sitting here again...my favorite drink before me as our eyes keep accidentally meeting. The atmosphere is thick with an uncanny quietness that makes me want to hold my breath. In all the time we've known each other, I've never felt so uncomfortable and awkward about being near him. If anything, I was always so happy and lucky, but now...now this feels wrong.

Maybe it's because I know about his fiancé.

Well, I know he has one...any information or details involving her, however, I am oblivious to. I don't know her name nor what she looks like. Just that she exists and that I'm sitting here with her future husband.

Her future husband. Not mine. Not my future husband. Hers. What he is to me...he is my past. My past love...my first love...someone I still love. I still love him. My heart still beats to his presence. And that is hell.

Inhaling sharply, I breathe, "Alright, Kaito...I'm listening. What is it that you wanted to say to me?"

His deep onyx eyes reflect the light as he swallows, "You seem very cold. I don't blame you after what I said last time, but I do have an explanation."

An explanation. Why would he owe me one of those? An excuse to dismiss what he said to me before dropping that...that news on me? Maybe, but that doesn't matter. Excuse or not, he owes me no explanation. In the end, it is what it is. That is all.

I cross my arms over my chest and sigh, "Sorry. I don't mean to act so distant. I just...I didn't expect to see you again. Forgive me."

"There is nothing to be forgiven," he smiles, folding his hands together. "I...I understand this is all unexpected and crazy. I completely get that. Even I'm still trying to wrap my mind around...around the idea of actually seeing you. Ever since that night at the festival...I've thought I've been dreaming. I mean, after moving and losing contact I thought I'd never see you again." His already gentle eyes grow softer. "And I thought about you religiously. Every day, I woke up with you on my mind and I went to sleep with the images of your smile. In all this time, that's what I've done."

But. There's a but...there's always a but. I tell myself, squeezing my hands into fists. I'm waiting for it. I'm waiting for him to tell me that after all these years his heart finally moved on -that he finally found another. After all, that is what happened and, as upsetting as that is to admit, that's natural. I mean, it's not like he knew we'd run into one another again. This has all been coincidence. All happening as if it were written in some cheesy fanfic.

I inhale, breathing, "But?"

"But?" he repeats, lifting a brow. "But what?"

"There's a but, isn't there?" I question. "In situations like this, there's always a but."

His expression remains locked in confusion. "A but? What do you mean?"

I tighten my grip again. I don't want to say this. To say this would be like asking to have my heart broken all over again. To ask this would be giving myself an instant transportation back to three years ago, which is something I don't want to do...but maybe this would be my closure.

"Ya know," I swallow. "That's what you've done, but now you've finally moved on...or, whatever."

Kaito examines me before saying sternly, "Y/N...Y/N, look at me."

I hesitate but do as he orders. Our gazes meet, my breath hitching upon meeting those deep, dark eyes of his. They are just as beautiful and soft as ever, causing my heart to flutter.

"What gave you the idea that I'd say anything like that?" he asks, knitting his brows in concern.

I fidget with my fingers. "I don't know. It's kinda obvious. I mean, you're engaged."