Amelia Westwood - 7
Comments - Amelia's personality definitely shined through, and the story was interesting, but there were small grammar mistakes throughout. - Prometheus
Nice job on the flow and personality, but I felt like it needed more substance, more emotion. - Florentina
Amelia's personality is well developed and the flow of your entry is executed well. For improvement, maybe try and add more emphasis to Amelia's thoughts and emotions. - Anatolius
Hans Corone - 8
Comments - Hans' story is very fun to read about, and, although your entry seemed pretty short, his story made the entry entertaining. -Prometheus
I always love to see an old-fashioned tribute, and you delivered. I felt like your characterisation changed throughout the entry, but I thoroughly enjoyed your writing in the first part. - Florentina
The relationship - if you can call it that towards the end - between Hans and Isobel was gripping and I was entertained during my read. I can't help but wish it was slightly longer. - Anatolius
Adela Clio - 8
Comments - Although an excellent introduction to the two, admittedly flat characters, the narrator suddenly changed towards the end, which threw off the whole entry. - Prometheus
I'm a big fan of realism, and while I did enjoy the entry, I felt like the dialogue was unrealistic, and the storyline a bit boring, but nothing that the next tasks won't fix! - Florentina
Adela and Lavina's difference's are like that of most people with similarly aged siblings, and the plot wasn't too unreal. I do feel like Adela changed during the entry though, which is a slight disappointment. - Anatolius
Oliver Elliot - 8
Comments - The dialogue, as well as Oliver's voice truly made the entry amazing, even making up for small mistakes throughout. -Prometheus
Gotta love the heart-wrenching story of a newsboy on the streets. I enjoyed it but found the writing to be a bit flat, the writing to be a bit stale and boring. - Florentina
Oliver and Kid's relationship can only be described as beautiful, and the consistency of the entry and the idiolect used by each person was done well. The writing did appear to be bland at times and there were a few mistakes, but that can be improved with time. - Anatolius.
Elizabeth Clarke - 7
Comments - The entry showed Elizabeth's motivation well, but, the ending to this, somewhat short, entry was surprising to say the least. -Prometheus
I found this entry interesting in her story, but was disappointed in the lack of historical accuracy. I'm a big stickler on that, and I found the writing to be a bit too rushed. - Florentina
Elizabeth's story was interesting, but I feel like she has more to her story. Her personality wasn't shown too much through her entry and I was disappointed by the ending - I feel like it could've been written sigh more care. - Anatolius
Clive Triston - 0
Comments - Did not hand in
Lily Heartfilia - 5
Comments - I felt for Lily in this entry, but that emotional bond could be improved by lengthening your entry, and by fixing grammatical errors. -Prometheus
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The Second Writer Games: Life and Death
FanfictionWhat would you give to have one more day alive on Earth? These twenty six souls would risk their eternity. These tributes have come from all sorts of different backgrounds, have died in tons of different ways, and have left all manners of unfinished...
