girl crush [ idols x idol!oc ]

girl crush [ forty four ]

"hello?" called eunwoo, as i answered his call. with trembling fingers, i couldn't get what i was feeling. why did he suddenly call me when he wasn't texting for a while, not even warning me that he was going to disappear like that? and now, he was gonna go back like nothing was wrong?

"hey, i- uhm... i'm sorry i didn't call you. i was disappointed for a while, so i abandoned you for a few days, thinking that it was foolish of you to leave yg like that, without even telling me you were gonna terminate it as soon as possible. you should have waited-"

"eunwoo, i was suffocated. i was suffocated with my situation. i wasn't even happy in the supposed relationship i was in! even in my group, i felt like i was dragging them down! even our fans have turned against me just because of the issue with donghyuk and everything. i can't move freely, i couldn't be who i am because i felt like i was a puppet! eunwoo, we were very close friends, and hearing these words from you, it just hurts me so much. i expected more," i replied, and i just realised that tears were streaming down my face when i felt someone patting my back. 

i turned around, seeing taeyong there. at some point, i felt so calmed when he did that. when the person who was with you in your darkest points suddenly abandons you and admits they did, it just hurts so much. i know i wasn't in the place to be mad at him because there were more good things he did to me than bad, but i felt betrayed. i felt so sad. i was so sad and he was the only one i tried talking to, and then he leaves me.

i suddenly felt so happy that i had taeyong now, who was willing to stay with me at the moment. but still, i wouldn't try and trust him with all of me. i learned from eunwoo.

"sooji, you're being immature right now-"

"then don't talk to me. if you don't wanna hear what i feel, eunwoo, leave me alone. wait, you already did, at some point, right? this should be easy for you. i'm sorry for all the burden i have that i let you carry with me. but thank you. i had fun being friends with you," i said, and then before i could end the call, his last words pierced me.

"sure. bye,"

when i heard the last beep, i bit my lower lip and then felt taeyong hugging me tight and whispering sweet nothings into my ear. i gripped on his jacket, crying my heart out. now that i lost eunwoo, will i soon lose taeyong too?

i was scared. what if he would leave me like that, too? am i going to the right path? is it right that i had to leave yg and cry like a little bitch to taeyong right now when it was all my fault? isn't it all my fault? do i have the right to cry right now?

"shh, don't cry so much, sooji. i'm scared you're gonna break," whispered taeyong, his voice cracking. 

"it hurts. taeyong, it hurts. we were so close. he told me the reason he was gone for a few days and didn't contact me was because he was disappointed in me and that he abandoned me. he thought i was being immature leaving yg as soon as i went back home. heck, i stayed in japan for extra days because i was suffocated and the next thing i knew, the fans were turning against me and wanted me gone from azes. i loved them so much, taeyong. even now. i still love our aces. they were there to make me smile too, but it all crumbled down in front of me the moment i was real with myself," i said, and then i felt him kiss my temple.

i was somewhat calmed down by the little actions he was doing. i wanted to thank taeyong. i want to thank him so much because when eunwoo was gone, he was there to save me evenif we weren't talking as often before the incident. he was the first to approach me and even unknowingly helped me continue on with my dreams of still being the idol that i am today.

"shh, the nation's girl crush can feel sad, too. but cheer up, sooji, i'll be beside you as you regain your crown. i'll be here, i promise,"

don't promise me, taeyong. just please do it, don't promise me.

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note: hey, guys, it's sunhye. so i was wondering... can i have a little request from you, guys? i'm trying to communicate with all of you, to have a closer relationship with all of you. whenever i publish a chapter, can you tell me your thoughts about it? it's okay if you don't want to. it just motivates me to write more whenever people tell me what they think about my works. but still, i love all of you! remember that! if y'all want to be friends, i'm always free, talk to me, and i'll message back as soon as i go online. thank you for reading!