My True Identity

Chapter 9

Chap 9

Life, what does it mean? We're living, breathing but we don't know if our next breath, our next heartbeat might be our last. We don't know what the future contains, when or where we'll die. You never know if you'll wake up the next morning, if you're going to die tomorrow by a car accident. We don't realize the importance of life and how lucky we are to still be living. About 105 people die every minute, what if that was YOUR father/mother/friend or someone else who was close to you? You never truly realize how much someone means to you until they leave you.

That's what I was thinking when I heard a loud knock on the door causing my heart beat to speed up. Mum walked in, her face blank just like it had been the past few days. It had been a week since our visit to the hospital and dad's condition hadn't gotten any better, if I was honest it actually got worse. Since the day we came back home mum hadn't slept at all, I could tell by the growing dark circles under her eyes. She also remained disconnected from the world and hardly maintained eye contact. These past few days, I'd seen a part of my mother I had never seen before. She seemed so vulnerable, fragile and scared. Every night, if I stayed up late I could hear the mum crying. I wanted so badly to hug her, to be there for her but every time I tried to reach out, she backed away. So I decided to give her some time and space for her to come to terms with our current situation.

"I...uh wanted to ask you if you uh, wanted to go to school today" mum asked, keeping her eyes fixed on the ground as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Her voice was tiny and sounded hoarse as if she'd been crying which she probably had. "I uh, think I'm ready to go to school now" I replied. Mum nodded and left the room. I had been staying home for the past week because I wasn't emotionally ready to face going back to school and carrying on with life normally. I needed some time by myself, to fully understand and accept what had just happened. Since that first time in the hospital, I visited the hospital in the afternoons daily to spend as much time with dad as I possibly could. Then, in the mornings I used to take care of mum as she barely got out of the room. For the first 2/3 days I didn't see a glimpse of mum at all and was really worried. However I was glad when she first came out of her room. She seemed much more gentle and kind than she had ever been.

I pulled on black track pants and a plain white tee with a baggy black hoodie on top. I then tied my hair up into a tight bun. I didn't bother with make up and decided to pack my bag. I put in today books and my pencil case and headed downstairs. I was surprised to see the table set up and a plate of pancakes and a glass of milk lying on the table. I saw put my bag down and went to eat breakfast. I could hear mum working away in the kitchen. I was glad that she was recovering and finally swallowing the hard truth. When I finished I went to put the plate back in the kitchen. I hesitated before speaking. "Hey, mum, are you sure you'll be okay without me?" I asked. She looked up and I could see the results of sleepless nights and crying on her face. There were lines on her forehead which indicated how tired she was. She smiled before saying "Yh, you go on ahead. I'll be fine" I smiled before leaving.

I was running late so I had to sprint to school, good thing I wore my converse today. I arrived at school in the middle of registration. Everyone looked at me shocked when I walked in, as if they weren't expecting me. I walked over to my form tutor, explained why I was late and walked to my desk with my head down. I avoided eye contact as the other half of registration passed by and was the first to get out of the class. I wasn't ready for confrontation and dreaded coming to school. As I arrived at my ICT lesson I was relieved to see that my teacher and a few other students were already there so I didn't have to wait any longer. A few minutes later the lesson started and I tried to only concentrate on the task set.

At break I decided to escape to the library, ignoring Abigail's text to meet her by the lockers. I knew she was going to ask why I wasn't here and I wasn't ready to tell her. I went to the furthers corner of the library and sat down on one of the soft cushions and pulled out my headphones, plugged them into my phone and put on The Script. I grabbed some random book and used to cover my face incase someone who I knew came.