You and Me

Chapter Thirty

I shut his door and then let go of his hand "Okay you wanted to speak?" I asked looking away

"Yeah, what the hell happened just then?" I shrugged and kept looking away, I can't keep lying to him it's too hard

"I don't want to argue" I said quietly under my breath

"Then let's not argue, I don't want secrets between us" I looked up at him, trying to hold up my tough exterior and stop it from crumbling

"Okay, you really want to know about me and Miles?" I used his fake name there's no point ruining his identity now I'm leaving soon

Lucas just nodded "He's my ex boyfriend" I was honest, I kept out a lot but Jay is my ex and that's at least some part of the truth

"Y-you and Peterson?" I nodded and looked away again

"Wow" he scoffed I don't think that's what he was expecting

"How long have you two been broken up?" I moved over to Lucas's bed and took my shoes off, I have a feeling this is going to be a long talk

"We broke up a few months ago and we were together for around three years" I hated talking about this, Jays the only guy I've been with apart from Huckleberry and I don't feel comfortable to talk about our relationship especially because it ended so badly

"Ranger Rick, I didn't ask you all about your ex so can we stop talking about him?" Lucas nodded and came and sat beside me

"Sorry I just didn't expect it, why couldn't you just tell me" I shrugged, I know why it's because then I'd probably let other things slip or maybe it's because if I tell him more about me it'll be harder to leave

I turned to fully face Lucas "I... I" This is going to be the hardest goodbye I've ever had to say

I pushed down my tears and tried to speak again "I'm so glad I met you and that we got together, this has been the best summer and I don't want it to end but it has to."

"What are you saying? Are you breaking up with me?" Am I? I probably should I just don't know if I can bring myself to

"Yes, no. I don't know" I sighed and kept trying to say what I needed to say

"I don't care about people easily and I definitely don't let people in but it's different with you it's been different since I first met you and I really don't want to do this, you don't understand how much this is killing me but this has to end" I stood up walked over to his door opening it

"I'm sorry" Lucas stood up and walked over to me, he shut the door and kept his hand on it

"I'm not letting you go that easily" He moved his hand off the door held me close to him

He passionately kissed me and pushed me against the door, in between kisses I turned the lock on the door and we made our way over to the bed

I sat over Lucas "I don't think this is us breaking up?" I smirked and he kissed me again

"Oh no I'm heartbroken, I can't believe this is happening" he joked and sat up with me still on his lap

My heart rate was racing but in a good way I was just filled with pure happiness, whenever I'm with Lucas he's able to make me feel like there's nothing in the world apart from us, like nothing can hurt me as long as he's here

We stopped kissing and I rested my forehead against his "I don't want to loose you" I admitted quietly

Lucas softly kissed me "You won't" he sounded so sure

I smiled and kissed him again, I lifted off his shirt and realised he was all bruised

I lightly ran my hand over his chest, how could they do this. He's done nothing wrong

Lucas took my hand and lightly kissed it "I'm okay"  but I'm not so sure he will be

I remembered I need to leave I can't stay here and hurt him more. Part of me has always worried about being with Lucas ever since we first got together

I always wonder, when good things happen do they stay good or do they just bring a bigger disaster

I never let myself be happy, incase by being happy it brings something worse

"Hey" Lucas said softly bringing me out of my thoughts, he softly rubbed his thumb in circles on my cheek

"I was right before, I can't be distracted by you we have to end this" Lucas sighed, I can't stay here so the best thing I can do for him is to break his heart

"Oh so I'm a distraction" he joked moving his hands to my waist

"Lucas I'm being serious" I raised an eyebrow, he needs to listen to me

"So am I, I'm deadly serious" He jokingly made a serious face and I held off a smile

"So what is it about me that distracts you" He moved his hand and placed it on my thigh

I can't not smile around him. I wish he wouldn't make it so hard to leave

I smiled slightly but stood up and sat on his reading chair to put my shoes back on

"Don't leave like this" Lucas stood up too

It's taking all my strength not to break down but I need to be strong and I need to leave

"Maya please, I love you don't leave" I looked up at him and stood up

Is he just saying this so I don't leave or does he really mean it

"Of course I love you, I have for a while now Hart" I smiled but no matter what he says I still have to leave, if anything what he's saying is giving me more of a reason to leave

"I can't say it back if that's what you're waiting for" God my guilt is going to eat my alive, I hate hurting him like this it's killing me

I saw the pain in his glossy eyes as he sat back on the bed defeated

"I don't even know what love truly is Lucas" I bit my lip and turned away from him heading towards his front door

I've never been able to say 'I love you' to anyone in my whole life, Jay understood that about me he never could either it's probably because we're both a bit fucked up.

"Then let me show you, Maya please stay" He pleaded with me but my mind is made up there is no way I'm staying