Blue Roses

chapter thirty five

Chapter song~ Monster by imagine dragons

ASH POV

Anger is all I feel. Anger, jealousy, irritation and too much pent up energy. With every beat of my heart, my blood pounds through my veins thick with anger. Pacing my room isn't helping much either. She's all I can think about. Her smile, her hair, her voice, how she always smells faintly of roses and a cold breeze, what I did to her, the hurt look radiating in her eyes. I throw open my door and dash down the stairs into the basement of the house to the workout room. I need to stop thinking about her, she's with him. Honestly I don't blame her, after all I have done, but he's not exactly clean either.

I hit the radio turning it to my workout playlist and I pull my shirt off throwing it aside. I start pounding the hanging punching bag in the middle of the room, faster and faster until its all just a blur. Leaving the bag swinging, I grab a bar on the ceiling and start doing pull ups. After about a quick 50, I let go, drop to the ground, and do a set of push ups. I get up sweat dripping off my face and get onto the treadmill starting at a slow jog quickly making my way up to the fastest run it can handle which is nothing for me. I jump off letting it roll to a stop and I start punching the bag again.

I don't realize how my fingers elongated and sharpened into almost claws until I stop seeing the red outter layer in shreds on the floor. I let out a roar and punch it one more time before I throw myself on the ground again doing endless push ups and curl ups.

When my muscles burn with exhaustion, I flip over onto my back and rub my face with my hands frustrated. I listen to the song that comes on, its called monster, and its lyrics hold a certain realization for me that go beyond just a surface understanding.

Ever since I could remember

Everything inside of me

Just wanted to fit in

Oh oh oh

I was never one for pretenders

Everything I tried to be

Just wouldnt settle in

Oh oh oh

If I told you what I was

Would you turn your back on me?

And If I seemed dangerous

Would you be scared?

I get the feeling just because

Everything I touch isn't dark enough

That this problem lies in me

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me

Im taking a stand to escape what's inside me

A monster

A monster

I've turned into a monster

A monster

A monster

And it keeps getting stronger

As I listen to the song, I realize how much of a monster I really am inside. The wolf never stops, its always prowling just beneath the surface, constantly hungry for her, leaving me in a constant battle for control. And right now, it's winning. I snarl angrily and in pain as it takes over and my body morphs into the wolf inside.

The whole process is agonizing, but as I get older its slowly getting easier. All my bones breaking over and over again changing from the human skeletal form to a large wolfs, organs feel like their being twisted inside me. My teeth grow long and sharp, hands turning into paws with long claws. My fur is solid black, with only a single white spot behind my ear, and only my eyes stay the same unnaturally bright emerald green.

I stand and shake myself relishing in the feeling of being free. But it still doesn't get my mind off of her. If anything, it makes things worse, the wolfs instinct is strong. I pace around the room once again like a caged animal. I don't know what to do, the guys would laugh at me for being whipped by a girl, and my sister would think its pathetic that I'm pining for her like this, torturing myself over this.. She's probably right but I don't care.

I can feel the sun beginning to fade, so I run up the stairs and I squeeze through the dog door in the back typically for my dogs, not me, but I can't exactly open a door with paws. Once I'm free of the property line, I take off running as fast as I can to the forest. I run past the school and cross a couple roads before I stop at the edge of the trees. I inhale deeply letting natures scents calm me and clear my head. If I want her, I'm going to have to fight for her.

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