Framing Our Forever

Chapter 53 - Pills and Medicine

"No!" I sobbed into my pillow. No, this wasn't true. No!

"Her mom told me she left a letter for you. I'm going to go pick it up. I'll be back soon sweetheart. I'm so sorry."

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Alexandria Marie Stevens died today, June 11th. She was found this morning in her bathroom next to a bottle of pills. They say she died quickly and without pain. But, I think they're wrong. She did die with pain otherwise she wouldn't be killing herself. She lost her baby, her boyfriend, she was moving, she was leaving everything she had ever known, so yes, I'd say she died with pain. Maybe it was quick, maybe it was slow. Everything seems to go slow when you're numb. I should know.

To my best friend, Lauren:

I've had this planned ever since I lost the baby. When I said goodbye to you yesterday, I was really saying goodbye. I don't know if you've ever listened to the song Medicine by Daughter, but I think you should put it on right now, on repeat to read this letter because it'll make more sense.

Pick it up, pick it all up, and start again. You got a second chance, you could go home, escape it all, it's just irrelevant. It's just medicine, it's just medicine. You could still be what you want to, what you said you were when I met you. You've got a warm heart, you've got a beautiful brain, but it's disintegrated, from all the medicine. From all the medicine, from all the medicine, medicine. You could still be what you want to be what you said you were when you met me. You could still be what you want to be what you said you were when I met you when you met me. When I met you...

This what your life is. Pick all of what's happened and throw it out, start over. You do have a second chance, you can go home because your parents love you (and yes I'm talking about your dad and Miranda not your mom). Medicine is all of the crap that's happened to you over the years. Matt, this baby, your heart, me dying, it's all just crap. You can still be Lauren, the one I know and love. You have a warm heart that loves everyone and you have a beautiful brain but after everything you've been through, yeah it's kind of disintegrated. See what I mean now?

You have no idea how hard it was for me to write this. I'm shaking because I can't stop crying. You've truly impacted my life and I don't know if I'd still be alive if I hadn't met you. I'm sorry things had to end this way, but I didn't know how else to do this.

I want you to speak at my funeral. Tell them about our friendship, about everything. You can leave out the last few events though. Hopefully I'll be able to see it, I know you'll do amazing.

Lauren, please make sure you take care of yourself. Like I said, you have a second chance. Make it right.

Love always, Alex

I remember when I first met Alex. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt that had a heart with sparkles on it. That's the reason I talked to her. I thought her name was the weirdest thing because Alex was a boy name.

She was always such a great friend. I remember her laugh the most. She always laughed at the smallest things.

At the beginning of the year when we talked about Matt in valley girl voices. When we used to surf together during the summer.

Why did she have to die?

I don't think I'll be able to move on Alex. I can't just forget that you died. I can't forget that you wrote this letter. I can't forget speaking at your funeral.

This is just too much.