Her Forever and Always (F.F. Book 2)

34. Blue

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"Alright, I'll be back later to pick you up, ok?" I tell Chloe as I drop her off at daycare. She smiles before she throws herself onto me to hug me once more.

"Love you mommy," she tells me.

"Love you too. You have Blue with you?" I ask her. She nods as she pulls away from me and digs through her little backpack to pull out her blue teddy bear that Logan gave her when she was an infant.

After doing my best to explain to her that Logan won't be with us anymore, she started carrying it around, everywhere.

To the park.

On playdates.

To restaurants.

Stores.

And here.

She can't even go one night without having it with her. She needs to have it with her to cuddle with, to hold onto while she sleeps. Some people have been asking why she's so set on carrying it around. They even ask her about it too. All she says is, "because my daddy gave it to me." and that's all they need to hear. They usually drop it afterwards.

And boy, let me tell you...if she misplaces it...she's a force to be reckoned with. She immediately starts crying and throws a fit until it's found.

I don't blame her for it though.

I can't.

I'm like that too.

I can't seem to make myself put Logan's stuff away in the attic or something. Especially her sweatshirts and t-shirts. If I'm not going anywhere, I'm bound to have one of her sweatshirts and shirts on.

Or both.

It calms me in a way.

I'm even refusing to stop wearing my engagement ring. I just can't do it.

It's too soon.

"Ok, I'll see you later honey, have fun," I tell her as I give her forehead one more kiss before I get up and head for the exit.

And now...here comes another long day at work.

I took the first week back from Lake Superior off. The next week just went by insanely long. But in a way, it kind of helped me. It kept me distracted from it and I was able to go about the long day of teaching.

Then, I would be hit with all of it all over again while I would be on my way to get Chloe from daycare and by the time I'd get there, I'd just barely managed to pull myself together enough to go and pick her up and focus on her.

It hasn't been easy and I don't think it's going get easier anytime soon.

Especially when the police never did find her body. How am I supposed to accept it when there's no body to prove it?

I guess not seeing her or hearing from her is proof enough. And then adding the multiple dreams I have of her continuing to tell me to let her go. To live out my life to the fullest.

Without her.

But it's hard.

And it's only been a month since it happened. That's definitely not enough time for me to fully process all of it and move on.

But.

Chloe definitely helps me get through the days. She's giving me something to live for. To continue to smile everyday and live.

Even if it's painful.

"Good morning, Ms. Dawson," I hear a familiar voice call out to me. I turn stop from continuing my way down the hall and turn around to see Rose walking up to me.