FE3H x reader oneshots

Caspar x bipolar!reader

I like writing ones with mentally ill characters because I feel like people usually portray them incorrectly. I try my best and I apologize in advance if this is in any way inaccurate.

WARNINGS: self-hatred, suicidal ideas, and spoilers for Crimson Flower
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Second person pov

It seemed the war had ended so long ago, yet whenever you looked at the calendar, it felt like it was only yesterday Edelgard and Byleth landed the killing blow to put a stop to all the bloodshed. All your friends had gone their separate ways after that, each focused on their own busy lives.

Luckily for you, you'd been in a good mood on the fateful day after the end of it all, and easily found the courage to proclaim your love for the one you couldn't stand to be without: Caspar. Honestly, he'd been more surprised by your proposal than you. But, of course, as soon as you started worrying, he'd expressed the same feelings for you.

Soon after he'd become the Minister of Military Affairs, you both assisted in the battle against those who slither in the dark. This was a much shorter war; and one that brought peace to Fódlan for real.

While you still served Edelgard as a commander in her army, your services weren't required nearly as often. Your job now consisted more of joking around with other soldiers (and very rarely, Edelgard herself) than actual conflict. You were quite pleased with this.

Of course, even though there was no war any longer, you still fought many battles.

Battles you had to fight alone.

Your life had always been full of internal conflict, but now, it seemed that was all you could focus on. In your spare time, you'd sometimes worry when your next episode would be.

Having bipolar disorder is not easy in any way. It's impossible to know when your mood will shift, or how long it will take to change again. In your case, it's severe enough you usually have another episode at least every month or two.

And the worst part is you never told anyone. Why? Because it never occured to you that something may be wrong. In your maniac episodes, you feel far too euphoric to think there's anything imperfect about you. Meanwhile, when you fall into states of depression, you can only focus on how worthless you feel.

No one, not even your closest friends, figured out how badly you were suffering mentally. Even after all these years, after everything you went through with them. Nobody understood how you suffered, and nobody would.

That's how you felt, anyway, in your freshly-rediscovered self-loathing.

You'd woke up that morning feeling like absolute crap. You felt so terrible you wouldn't even get out of bed.

So, there you lay, staring blankly at the wall for hours upon end. You weren't sure what time it was (nor did you care) until someone finally opened the bedroom door.

"Hey beautiful, you already going to bed?" the ever-eccentric voice of your beloved husband greeted you. "You're almost getting as bad as Linhardt."

You couldn't find the willpower to answer him, much less turn your head. You were hardly able to think up your protests at this point.

You've been lying here all day you lazy piece of crap. You've probably lost your job now. You're officially making Caspar's life harder by continuing to live. Just get out of his way, why don't you?

But...I really don't feel like moving....

"Don't tell me you're already asleep!" He gripped your shoulder with one hand, proceeding to shake you somewhat gently. "Come on, I wanna spend time with you before I have to sleep!"