My Teacher is a Gangster

68. SHATTERED

"Thank you very much Miss Chua for what you have done for us and for the company. We will be forever indebted to you."

Jazz and his dad came to my office today. Hindi ko na sana gustong makipag-usap sa kanila but I have to. I need to face them. I need to face Jazz. Hindi ko rin naman ito maiiwasan.

While me and his dad were having our little talk, Jazz just stared at me. He was quiet. Alam kong hindi siya interesado sa mga pinag-uusapan namin.

His eyes are full of questions. I know that he is very confused. Iniwan ko sila ng walang paalam. The moment I made that decision, I already accepted na kailangan kong umalis at iwan sila.

The boys do not deserve this. I do not deserve this. Pero wala akong magagawa. This is my fate. I have no choice but to accept and live with it.

"Don't mention it Mr. Sison. Just don't make impulsive and irrational decisions again."

I intentionally said those words. Kailangan kong ipakita na matigas ako. Kailangang isipin ni Jazz na hindi na ako babalik at hindi na ako ang dating Allison.

This is not me. Hindi ako ganitong klase ng tao. But the circumstances are forcing me to be like this.

I am slowly and painfully killing the real me just to create the person people are expecting me to become.

Alam kong nabigla si Jazz at si Mr. Sison sa sagot ko. I clenched my fist. Hindi ko dapat ito ginagawa.

"Of course Miss Chua. It won't happen again." Mr. Sison answered.

Tumayo na sila upang umalis. Sa wakas ay tapos na ang aming pag-uusap. I'm done pretending. Sana ay ito na ang huling beses ko silang makakaharap lalong lalo na si Jazz.

I was preparing to leave when Jazz suddenly returned.

Nagulat ako but thank God I was able to maintain my cold and heartless expression.

"Hindi bagay sa iyo ang dragoness." Jazz said with a smirk.

Those words came to me as a surprise. Hindi ito ang inasahan kong sasabihin niya.

I just looked at him without saying a word. But his next questions broke my already broken heart.

"Did you leave because of me? Ito ba ang sakripisyo mo para sa akin?" magkasunod niyang tanong.

Ito ang mga tanong na hindi ko alam kong paano sagotin. Pero kailangan kong sumagot. At ang sagot na ibibigay ko ay labag sa aking kalooban.

"Please stop being the hero. I never told you to sacrifice anything for my sake. Hindi ko hiniling sa iyo ito."

He is angry, hurt and disappointed. Alam kong wala siyang hiniling sa akin. Noong araw na iyon ay naglabas lang siya ng sama ng loob. Ako ang kumilos at gumawa ng desisyon.

"Bakit ka umalis ng hindi man lang nagpapaalam sa amin? How can you just appear in our lives all of a sudden and just leave us anytime you want? Hindi mo ba alam na sobrang apektado ang buong hell section sa pag-alis mo?"

Napakasakit pakinggan ng kaniyang mga salita. If only I can answer him with all honesty. Kung puwede lang ipakita sa kanya ang tunay kong nararamdaman.

Jazz is fighting back his tears. Maging ako ay nahihirapan na ding magpanggap sa harap niya. Masakit sa aking makita siya ng ganito.

"You left us miserable. Dumating ka sa Patterson High School sa mga oras na wala kaming direksyon. When you came, we changed. Naging matino kami. Natuto kaming maniwala sa mga kakayahan namin. You made us realize that we can be good people.

Alam mo bang sobra mo silang nasaktan? Sa pagkawala mo ay bumalik ang lahat sa dati. Basagulero, takaw-gulo, walang silbi at walang direksyon.

Kailangan ka namin. Lalo na sina Gray, Axe at Neil.

Nagpapasalamat ako at tatanawin kong malaking utang na loob ang tulong mo sa kompanya namin.

Pero hindi ba sabi mo sa akin ay ang pagtuturo ang kapalaran mo? Ikaw mismo ang nagsabi na kahit anong mangyari ay ito ang pipiliin mo. Hindi ka lang isang gangster o isang heiress. Isa kang teacher.

You are our our ganster teacher. You are our Perez."

I am their Perez but not anymore. Tuloyan na siyang umiyak.

I pretended to look unaffected but my knees were shaking. Sobrang bigat na ng pakiramdam ko. I want to reach him and wipe his tears pero hindi puwede.

After some time ay napilitan akong magbigay ng sagot sa kanya.

"My goodness Sison. When did you become a crybaby?" tumawa ako.

I gave a fake laugh. Ngayon lang ako tumawa ng ganito. I laughed to hide my pain.

"Everything is not about your or the boys. Hindi lahat ng nangyari ay may kinalaman sa inyo.

Let's just say that I am born a Chua and I can never escape nor change my fate.

Nobody forced me to return and take over our business empire. It was my decision."

It was my decision. Hindi na ito mababago pa.

"Are you happy of this decision?" I sadly asked her.

Am I happy? Hindi. I am not happy and I will never be happy.

I want to get my old life back. Gustong gusto ko ng bumalik sa kanila. I miss my boys. Life without them is too damn hard.

Kung mayroon mang isang bagay na makapagpapasaya sa akin, iyon ay ang malamang kahit papaano ay nagbunga ang aking sakripisyo.

With all the pain I have inside, binigay ko ang aking sagot.

"What do you think? I'm the dragoness now."

My answer shattered his heart and mine too.

I turned my back on him. He left after a while. When I was already alone in the room, I cried.