Ch 4

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Caitlin pov
Today is one of my most dreaded days of the year. I absolutely hate this day because today is the day Ronnie died.
It was the happiest and most miserable day of my life.
I got married to the love of my life and then he died saving everyone. He died a hero but also my husband.
Days like these are always hard for me because it makes faking happiness so much more harder. I have to try 5 times as hard to fake a genuine smile. I've gotten good at pretending that my life is perfect, that I am happy. But sometimes the pain is so intense I feel like I will shatter at any given moment. I feel the burden so heavy on my shoulders that it's sometimes hard to keep 'moving further'.
So yes, today is one of those days, those days where I wish I could disappear.
'Why don't you just call in sick today' killer frost thought
'You know I can't do that' I replied
'Suit yourself' she replied shutting me out.
I huffed out in annoyance at Frost's childish behavior and proceeded to get ready for work.
************
I was the first at S.T.A.R labs so I allowed myself sometime to feel miserable, to not pretend. I walked down to the pipeline where I first lost Ronnie.
"I miss you so much Ronnie. I wished you were here" I whispered softly feeling the whole in my heart deepen.
Life would've of been so perfect with Ronnie. I could have had a family. Ronnie was all I've ever wanted.
"I'm so sorry" I cried silently.
"I'm so sorry for not running away with you. For not starting a new life with you. For staying here. For being the reason you're not here. I'm sorry for it all Ronnie. You deserved better. Someone better than me" I whispered into the empty pipeline.
"Caitlin?" A soft voiced asked from behind me and I jumped in surprise wiping my tears away quickly.
"Dawn! Hey I didn't hear you coming!" I said facing away from her trying to collect myself.
"Are-are you okay?" She asked approaching me slowly.
"I'm fine. Some personal issues that's all" I said turning around.
"You want me to call dad?" She asked searching my eyes.
"No no no please don't tell Barry. I'm just silly and overly emotional" I said my eyes widening as she mentioned Barry.
"Are you sure? You know he's—" Dawn started before I interrupted her mid-sentence.
"Yes I'm sure. Barry doesn't need to know I was crying. Please promise me you won't tell him?" I begged.
"Okay I promise. Who is Ronnie?" She asked curiously.
"My husband" I said quite.
"HUSBAND!??" She asked incredulously.
"He 2 years ago" I clarified and Dawn's eyes soften at my statement
"I'm so sorry Caitlin" she said squeezing my hand in hers.
"I didn't know you were married" she said.
"I'm sure there's a lot of things you don't know about me" I smiled squeezing her hand.
"I know a lot of things about actually" she said cockily giving me an all too familiar smirk.
"Is that so?" I laughed.
"Yes. For example, I know that when you're nervous you'll touch your hair a lot. Ohh and when you're scared you'll clench your hands and grip someone's arm. You also hate anything being dirty and paperwork not being organized" she said.
"Wha-how–I..how do you know that!?" I asked in disbelief.
"We're pretty close in the future" she winked.
"Really?" I asked surprised.
Nora doesn't seem to be that close to me.
"Yeah. You are actually the reason why I want to go to medical school. You inspire me. You're very successful in the future for your medical discoveries on meta-humans" she said.
"I am?" I asked.
"You are one of the founding members–" She started ranting before we were both interrupted.
"Dawn there you are, your mother is looking for you. Oh hey Cait! What are you doing down in the pipeline ?" Barry asked as he approached us.
"Oh–I–I was–umm..." I stuttered.
"I made her bring me down here. All the meta-humans are down here. I've heard so much about it and I wanted her to show me around" Dawn said quickly.
"Oh that's cool" Barry said looking at me and furrowing his eyebrows slightly before looking at me more closely.
"Umm should we go back to the lab with everyone? I think we should. Let's go!" I said looking at Dawn and dragging her by the arm
"Sure" she said happily.
Barry was not too far behind us.
"Thank you for saving me back there" I whispered to Dawn.
"Always" she said giving me a reassuring smile.
"Hey Cait, can I talk to you for a sec?" Barry asked once we were in the labs.
Shoot!
"Yeah yeah of course. I'll be right back!" I said walking away with Barry.
"What's wrong?" I asked looking at his face.
"That's exactly my question, are you okay?" He asked looking at me.
"I'm fine why do you ask?" I faked, giving him a soft smile.
"I don't know you seemed off earlier" he said softly.
"I haven't had coffee yet. Maybe that's it" I joked laughing.
"Caitlin" Barry emphasized with a serious expression.
"I'm fine Barry. I promise" I reassured patting his back.
"You can always talk to me you know that right?" He said looking at me.
"I know" I whispered and walked away in an attempt to avoid a heart to heart conversation
I definitely don't need one of those right now.
Hello beautiful people,
I hope you liked the chapter!
How are you guys doing with self-quarantine?
It's day #3 for me 😂
Comment and vote
~Bree ♥️♥️

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