Married To Baseball

I really do have to get to the field.

Jailyn~

Sitting on Christian and my bed, I wait as he takes a shower, exhausted from only getting a couple of hours of sleep last night. By the time everything was said and done, it was easily about two in the morning before we were able to fall asleep. Christian having to get up at six-thirty means I'm getting up at six-thirty.

Whether it's the exhaustion or some lingering annoyance with me, Christian hadn't said a word to me yet this morning. As soon as he got up, after snoozing his alarm twice, he went straight into the bathroom to start his shower. My own exhaustion not giving me the opportunity to say much either. I can't say that I blame him for not talking to me this morning, I was awful last night, and I let my emotions get the best of me, and I took it out on him.

The least I can do is make him his Americano this morning. Running my hand across my face, I grab my glasses and slip them on before getting up and finding a hoodie. Slipping on the hoodie, I put my phone in the front pocket as I head downstairs to get our coffee machine going.

Tapping grind, I let the machine start doing its thing as I grab the box of Chai constitute out of the fridge and our milk. By the time I've got those out, the little cup is full of the grounds for Christian's drink. Pulling the cup out, I tamp the grounds before putting it back into the machine and selecting the brew. As that goes, I pull out one of my tumblers and make my latte.

"Thanks for getting that going," Christian says, scooting behind me in the kitchen, starting up another brew as the first cup is still being poured.

"Yeah," I reply as I shove my chai mix and the milk back into the fridge. "I figured it's the least I could do after last night."

Christian scoffs, "Yeah." Yeah, he's still annoyed.

Leaning on the counter, I watch a moment as Christian goes through the same motions I just had to make himself a second cup. "I'm sorry," I tell him, continuing to watch him.

"You're not going to start yelling at me now, right?" He asks his tone somewhere between teasing and genuine annoyance.

"Ha," I reply, rolling my eyes. "I mean it," I continue, "I was being a bitch and letting everything get to me, and I took it out on you. That wasn't fair or productive."

Christian nods, setting the second brew up, "I'm more than aware," he replies, his lingering annoyance still apparent on his face leaving me unsure how to respond. Stepping back, Christian leans on the counter opposite me, finally looking at me for the first time. "I'm sorry for yelling back at you," He says, his tone closer to his usual rather than the hint of annoyance he'd held up until now. "Last night was a lot, and clearly, being there with Maddy brought back a lot of emotions. Given how you were screaming at me last night," He adds, taking a little bit of a shot at me, "I feel like there's a bigger conversation to be had. Unfortunately, that's going to have to wait until tonight."

"Okay," I reply, nodding. "I agree. What happened last night was unproductive, and I know that, and again I'm sorry. It was a lot all at once, and obviously, I didn't handle it well. There are a lot of things that I sort of compartmentalize in order to deal with them, but when those get messed with, it's hard not to let them affect me."

"And I know that," Christian confirms, "The last five years I've known you, that's something that you've been open about and something that I've been able to pick up on. Even last night, I knew that's what was happening, but usually, you've been a little better at not letting things get to that point, or you've been able to step away in order for it not to get to that point."

"Right," I agree, "Again, I know I didn't handle things well. I know that last night wasn't productive. As you said, there's definitely a conversation that we should have."