Married To Baseball

They Are In Fact Different.

Jailyn~

Watching the clips play through on my Instagram explore page of the fan edits of me. Never really imagined that people would make those for me. Let alone that I'd be able to scroll through hundreds of pictures and videos of myself that my fans have made throughout the years. There's a mash-up of my two Olympics highlights that plays for me with 'Smile Back' as the music they'd picked for it. I mean it is my favorite walk-up song that I've ever had. Damn, I kinda am a badass. 'As cute as Ryker is and as happy for them as I am, I'm going to miss Jai dominating the field like this. Team USA really cannot win without her.' I laugh a little at the minor blame placed on my son, leave my kid out of it. I do, however, miss being on the field and helping contribute to Team USA. The teams last two seasons have been a little rough but Ken also retired, pretty much Maddy, Carly, Nat, and Taylor are the only people that are still on the team that haven't been replaced. A lot of changes have happened and I don't really believe that I'm the reason for the teams downfall.

I scroll to the next post and see a compilation of my cocky little grin I get when I'm on a tear or I know I'm in a team or a pitchers head. The caption reads out, 'Damn that smile never gets old. There will never again be a player like @JailynJames I Miss seeing her rake especially knowing she's got probably ten good years left in her if she wanted.' Maybe that is true, maybe not though. If I still had ten years in me Ryker would be almost twelve by the time I retired. I'd miss so damn much. We could swing it probably until Ryker started Kindergarten but then I'd have to be gone for three to four months of his school year before summer which is when Christian and him could join me again. But what if he wants to play sports though? I'd miss that and everything that comes with it. I'd only be home from the beginning of September through February. I'd be gone six months out of the year basically.

I let my phone rest on the table as I tip back in my chair crossing my arms as I purse my lips to the side. I could go back for the next few seasons and actually quit once Ryker starts school. That would give me four more seasons. I'll be thirty-five when I'd retire then. That's a little better than giving it up at twenty-nine. What if Christian and I want to have another kid though? I don't want to wait another four years for that. I'd want Ryker, and whatever this hypothetical other kid is, to be closer in age than what would it end up being, six years apart? When Ryker's eighteen they'd be twelve, the two of them would be far enough apart that they more than likely wouldn't have that much in common with each other. I can't even imagine that Ryker would be a teenager while another kid would still be in grade school. High School boys don't typically like hanging out with their much younger siblings when the younger is older than like a toddler in my experience. Do we even want another kid though? Ryker is pretty damn perfect himself, odds are we don't get that lucky twice and have two incredibly easy babies.

"Hey, JJ," Christian says pulling my attention to him, "You okay? You just zoned out for a minute or two."

I nod, "Yeah, just thinking."

"About what?" he asks sitting across from me, the lack of our son making me raise an eyebrow, "He's asleep."

I just nod again, "I was scrolling on Instagram and looking at some like fan edits and stuff and reading their comments. I don't know, I kinda wanna go back. I just don't really know how realistic it is though."

"How come?" Christian asks, "We could make it work, Ryker is pretty freaking perfect and I don't think he'd be any trouble traveling with. Especially since he'd be a little bit older for it now."

"That's not really the part I'm thinking about," I comment leaning back forward. "I was thinking more about the long term, like how's it supposed to work when Ryker is in school? I'm gone February through August, that's six months out of the year."