More Than Anything [UNEDITED]

Margaux

"Sigurado ka na ba sa desisyon mo?"

Pilit ang pagpigil ko sa mga luhang nagbabadyang tumulo habang tinatanong ko ang pinakamamahal ko. Kanina ay sinabi na niyang gusto na niya akong iwan.

He's been cold to me for a month now. I used to think that it's just because he was busy with work. But, in reality, I caught him with his secretary making out in his office. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko.

I felt betrayed. I felt mistreated. I felt like I was nothing and that it was so easy for him to crush me to the ground.

Four years of love...naglahong parang bula.

"Please, Margaux, don't make this hard for me." Aniyang parang wala lang sa kanya ang mga sinasabi ko. I wanted to hear an honest answer. Hindi iyong ganitong magpapaligoy-ligoy pa siya.

Lumunok ako habang nakatitig sa kanyang mga mata. This is not the eyes of the man I loved. This is not the person who made me happy for the past four years. His eyes are empty...like he doesn't feel anything for me at all.

Takot na takot akong nakatitig sa kanya. All the years that we've spent together, nawala nang parang bula. I thought I've known him after all the times that we shared but right now, I'm looking right through a stranger.

"Look, I'm sorry."

I actually cracked a weak laugh upon hearing his words. Iyon naman talaga ang dapat niyang sabihin 'di ba? Dapat siyang magsorry dahil nasaktan niya ako. Dapat siyang magsorry dahil pinagtaksilan niya ako. Sorry is the only word that could comfort him but I don't want it.

Right now, I deserve an explanation, not an apology.

"Do you still love me?" Kahit gaano ako katakot sa maaari niyang isagot ay tinanong ko pa rin. Mas mabuti nang masaktan na ako ngayon para minsanang bagsakan na lang. Hindi iyong unti-unti at pabugso-bugso rin ang sakit.

Tumikhim siya ipinikit ang mga mata.

Now, he didn't need to answer my question. His expression is the answer. His hesitation is the answer.

He doesn't love me anymore.

Sinubukan kong tawanan ang sitwasyon. Sinubukan kong ipakita na wala lang sa akin ito. I wanted to show him that I am fine—that I'll be fine without him.

But my tears seem to have minds of their own at sabay-sabay silang tumulo.

"Margaux..." He trailed and even motioned to come closer.

I shook my head and wiped my tears away. "Don't come closer to me, Quinn." Iyon lamang ang nasabi ko dahil walang tigil ang pagbagsak ng luha ko.

I can't let him hurt me like this and then comfort me right after. I may be weak but I'm not stupid. Hindi ako tanga para hayaan siyang aluhin ako pagkatapos niya akong saktan. I refuse to be a fool for him.

Rinig ko ang pagtikhim niya habang pinapanood akong umiyak sa harap niya.

What's with boys and watching their girls cry in front of them? Nakakadagdag pogi points ba ang paiyakin ang mga babae? Because I don't think so.

"Kayo ni Louise...kayo na ba?" Parang pinipiga ang puso ko habang tinatanong ko iyon sa kanya. Ni hindi ko nga maisara ang mata ko nang hindi naaalala ang nakita ko sa opisina niya.

He was holding her. She was clinging onto him. He was kissing her senseless and she let him do so. His hands are all over her body and so with hers.

Sumisikip ang dibdib ko habang inaalala iyon. I would probably not get over it for a long time.

"Yes."

Kung bakit ko itinanong iyon ay hindi ko na maalala dahil balot na balot na ang puso ko ng sakit. It was as if I was experiencing a heart attack—only, I was conscious and I can feel every bit of the pain.

I smiled weakly because I didn't know what to show him. It took me a couple of seconds before I could finally nod at him.

"Then, that's it?" I asked him. "Kailan pa naging kayo?"

Margaux Cynthia Marbel, papasa ka na sa pinakatangang tao sa Guinness. Magdodoktor ka pa man din!

"Margaux, please..." His voice was pleading me to stop. It was as if siya pa ang pagod dito at hindi ako. Well, I'm broken to bits but I'm trying to know what's up with him! I want to know kung kailan pa sila para naman alam ko rin kung kailan pa kami nagbreak.

"Just answer it, Quinn."

He took a heavy sigh. "Last month." He uttered softly, like he was ashamed of what he did.

I chuckled weakly as the tears are falling down my cheeks. "One month na pala, hindi mo man lang ako naabisuhan." Sabi ko sa kanya. "Do we need a break up because I'm pretty sure we were over when you decided to date her?"

"Margaux..."

"Goodbye, Quinn."