More Than Anything [UNEDITED]

Quinn

When her father asked if I had plans on marrying Margaux, I felt like a bucket of ice was poured onto me. My mind stopped to function for that period of time. Para akong nablangko nang hindi ko nalalaman.

Pero nang magsalita si Margaux na para bang naiilang siya sa tanong ng kanyang ama ay umayos na ako. I wanted this alright. I wanted to be with her and our son. I think that's enough reason for me to marry her.

Laking gulat ko nang makita ang matalim na titig ni Margaux sa akin matapos kong sagutin ang tanong ng Daddy niya. Parang kasalanan ko pang sinabi ko ang nararamdaman ko. Well, honey, that's not even half of what I want to do for you.

Pagkatapos ng linggong ito ay magtatrabaho na naman ako. I will have less time for Shawn and Margaux so I wanted to do everything I can do now.

"Bakit ganoon ang sinabi mo kay Daddy? Now he'll think we've gotten back together!" Mahina pero mariin ang pagkakasabi niya rito.

She's so scared her dad would hear us. Her Dad was talking to the cardiologist as we waited in the benches. Inilagay ko ang kamay ko sa likod niya at ihinarap siya sa akin. "Aren't we back together?" Seryoso kong tanong sa kanya.

I swear I'm hurt every time she slaps me the reality that we were lovers. Were. Past tense. And it hurts even more when she reiterates that we will never be back together. Paano niya nalaman iyon? She doesn't even know what I can do for her and for our son!

She looked at me in horror. This look again. Para bang natatakot siya sa akin kapag nagiging totoo ako sa sarili ko. Para bang hindi kapani-paniwalang maaari ko silang piliin ng anak namin. It hurts me because she thinks she's nothing to me when all I can think about is her and our son...our family...

"Quinn..." Parang nawawalan siya ng lakas habang sinasabi niya ang pangalan ko. Parang pinipiga ang puso ko. Ano pa ba ang kailangan kong gawin para ipakitang siya at ang anak namin lang ang para sa akin.

"Margaux, I told you I want to start again. Isn't that a sign that I want us to be back together?" I asked her so softly I don't know if that was my voice or my heart talking.

Namungay ang mga mata ni Margaux. She looked at me, like the way she looks at me before. Parang natutunaw ang puso ko sa titig niya. I missed this. I missed the way she looks at me like this.

"Paano si Louise?" Mahinang tanong niya habang tumitingin sa kamay niyang nakapatong sa kanyang hita.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hiniga. That's right, I feel like she's almost melting for me too. Dapat lang naman dahil tunaw na tunaw na ako sa kanya. "I will explain everything to her." Sagot ko. "Ako nang bahala sa kanya kaya huwag ka nang mag-isip." I hugged her because I've been restraining myself to do so since the moment we walked here.

Alam kong kailangan niyang maging malakas ngayon. I wish I'm giving her strength for her to pull through all of this.

She slowly lifted her head and stared into my eyes. Lasing na lasing ako sa titig niya. Fuck!

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makitang nangingilid na ang mga luha niya. Tangina. Bakit siya umiiyak? Abot abot ang kaba sa puso ko. No. Don't tell me she'll decline me this time. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko ata kakayanin kapag inayawan niya ako ngayon.

"Don't cry, Margaux..." I wanted to kiss her right in this moment pero nasa pintuan lamang ang Daddy niya. Fuck! Ngayon pa ba ako maduduwag?

She smiled weakly and wiped her tears. "Hindi ko naisip na mangyayari muli ito sa atin." She is honest and I love that about her.

When I started to come into their lives, she was so honest about her hate about me. But eitherway, I am thankful because she gave me a chance to know our son amidst the hate she's feeling towards me.